How to Write the Perfect Toast

I remember when my brother Adrian married. It was such a happy, beautiful day full of family and great food. While we all enjoyed cake and punch, Adrian's best friend stood up and gave a toast. It was sweet and honest. Afterward I was grateful it wasn't my responsibility to speak to the guests. I've never been much for public speaking. But over the years I've developed my own approach to making this kind of speech.

The first thing to consider when writing a toast is the event. If you're the father of the bride or groom, or a close relative or friend, you may find yourself speaking at the reception. You may be called to make a toast at an anniversary dinner, special birthday, or rite of passage, such as a bris. Think about who is the subject of the speech and who will be listening.

Let's write a speech for my husband's birthday. The partygoers will be our friends, so I can give an informal toast. In my opinion, those are the most interesting to write and hear. If I were speaking at a formal wedding, or if our guests were business associates or clients, I would want to write a more professional piece, paying close attention to my grammar and tone.

My first step is to make a few notes. This party will be a celebration of my husband. What are the things I love about him? Do I have any special stories about him? What do I hope for his future? These are the ingredients for a heart-warming toast. It helps to make a diagram like the one above. I've written keywords to help me organize my thoughts.

Even though speaking in front of groups makes me nervous, I think brief notes are the way to go. This way, I don't spend my time reading from a script. I can look at the guests, and at my husband, and let them know that I really feel the things I'm saying. Practicing with notes makes it easier to know what I want to say, but it doesn't have to be perfect.

Here are my speaking points:

I remember when we met.
He was creative, funny and kind.

We're blessed with each other and friends.
He's loyal and patient.

I wish him happiness.
Our happy marriage.
Wonderful friends.

My toast may sound something like this:

Today we're celebrating Keith's birthday, and I'm glad you all came. I remember when we first met. Of course I loved his smile, but what really attracted me was his sense of humor and kindness. I respected his creative spirit. I know that all of you feel the same way. He's been loyal to all of us and patient with our faults. And we try our best to treat him the same way. I look forward to seeing you again in another thirty years. I know that Keith will still be surrounded with wonderful friends and enjoying our marriage as much as I will. Keith, we all love you dearly and want to wish you a happy birthday!

If you've been asked to give a toast, you might be as nervous as I am. But there's no reason to panic. You can use my method to assemble an effective speech in no time. If your occasion is more formal, you might make more detailed notes, and use fewer personal anecdotes. But the same structure works great. Now that this weight is off my shoulders, I can focus on the best parts of the party: ordering the cake and buying presents!

Sources: personal experience.