How to Write an Unreadable Article

Everyone who writes and publishes articles hopes people will read them. You don't want to be just like all the other writers, do you? No, you want to be unique, to rebel. What better way of asserting your individuality is there than writing articles nobody will read?

Obey the following five simple tips, and you will waste your time writing articles that nobody will finish reading. I'll give a money-back guarantee of that. Of course, you're reading this for free. Just follow the steps to write a completely unreadable article.

5. Choose a broad topic.

Most on-line articles deal with very specific topics. Choose a broad subject, instead. Then, you have a choice of two ways to frustrate readers.

Since readers are looking for short, focused content, you can explore the subject in depth. No one will finish your thirty-page booklet. You may give the information any particular reader needs, but he or she will never see it hidden on the twentieth page.

Alternatively, keep the article short. Since you're working with a large topic in a small space, you'll write only an overview and no useful information. People won't find what they seek, and they won't recommend your article to their friends.

4. Don't structure your article logically.

If you write a monstrous block of uninterrupted text, you will scare off most potential readers before they begin; therefore, don't use any structure in your article. There are two levels of structure to ignore. The first level is the paragraph. Readers expect small groups of closely related sentences to be grouped into paragraphs. Unless you want your entire article to be read, don't group sentences together. If you can write an entire article as one paragraph, that's best. The second level of structure is the heading. Many readable articles use prominent headings that introduce major sections. Omitting these headings may make your article less readable, although the omission's effect isn't always strong. There's a more creative way to obfuscate an article using headings.

3. Turn minor points into major headings with no content.

2. Use bad speling and grammer.

Misspelling words and using incorrect grammar are both great ways to lose readers quickly. This point doesn't apply only to on-line articles. I've seen an on-line résumé that bills its subject as the "grammer police." Unless that résumé's author works for the police department in Grammer, Indiana, she's an expert in wasting her time by writing things no one will look at.

To waste your own time and to prevent everyone from reaching your article's end, fill your writing with misspelled words. Use made-up spellings. Alot of words don't exist-use them, irregardless. Mix up similar words, perhaps mentioning that you where lead to write about you're topic. Insert a senseless reference to a stringed musical instrument, and viola! You've just annoyed the rest of your readers.

Write sentences that lack either parallel structure, misuse words like "either," or verbs that disagrees with the noun's number. Be redundant, repetitive, verbose, and wordy, and use more unnecessary, extraneous, or superfluous words and verbiage than you need. You'll confuse or bore anyone reading your article.

The best grammatical error to use in an unreadable article is the run-on sentence, this includes the comma splice, it can be very hard to do I'm running out of breath just writing this but it chases readers away more effectively than anything else so use plenty of run-on sentences when writing your articles. And sentence fragments.

1. Don't proofread your article.

This is the most important tip. If you follow all the other steps, then proofread your article, you will undo most of your hard work. It's hard enough to write something as horrendous as a run-on sentence. Reading that sentence again would force you to change it.

If you proofread the article, you will improve its readability. You will fail to completely waste your time writing.

Write that article.

Those steps are all you need to write an unreadable article. Choose a broad topic, don't structure the article, treat minor points as major sections, use bad spelling and grammar, and don't proofread. You can do many other things to destroy an article's effectiveness, but if you follow these tips, no one will read what you write.