How-To Praise Your Child

"Mum, I've been caught!" my son said, eyes sparkling, chest sticking out.

I wasn't sure why he seemed so pleased with himself. Did he again climb over the school fence or maybe a play fight against the classroom chairs?

Grinning, he showed me the big sticker on his shirt. The sticker read, "You have been caught being good."

Wow, excellent, I thought.

After a little inquiry, he told me he got it for keeping his desk clean and tidy. I was a bit surprised that such a little task got so much acknowledgment. While I was still in thought about the praise, my son rushed into his room and started cleaning up. I had to admit, that sticker went a long way.

When was the last time you told your child it did a good job?

I asked other parents opinions how and for what reason they praise their kids. Not surprisingly, answers varied widely.

Most parents say that a "Well done" or "Good work" is pretty much an automatic response for any kind of work they see from their children. That can be work from school or other activities. They want to improve self-esteem, so the more praise the better, they think.

However, some parents use praise rarely. One father told me: "I don't want my daughter craving praise. Why should she depend on the approval of others? If she is doing well, she should know herself."

Little ones, babies and toddlers, seldom lack for encouragement. They get praised just for sleeping, playing or going to the potty (almost) on time. It is great to tell a toddler everything it does is wonderful.

But, experts agree, by the time kids enter school, caregivers and parents should think about when and how they praise.

So, to praise or not to praise?

Have a look at these suggestions to praise, improve self-esteem and encourage good behavior.

1. Be Specific and Sincere
Give your child realistic feedback about their work to understand strengths and weaknesses. Don't be delighted about everything; otherwise they will never recognize that some areas really do need improvement. Next time you see a painting, talk about the facts: "I like the colours you used for the trees!" Be specific, talk about details and above all be sincere. Children recognize insincere compliments. Don't say something if you don't really mean it.

2. Focus on a Special Talent or Interest
All children have an area of interest or a special talent. Is it singing, painting or knowledge of the solar system? Whatever it is, encourage that special interest. Nurse interests and your child's pride in its achievement will transfer to other work.

3. Look at the Effort
Acknowledge the efforts of your child. Not the result should count, but the effort that was put into it. Look at your child's progress and praise your child how much it has improved. There is no way that your child will succeed in everything it does. It is not enough to say "Keep trying." It is better to say "It's great that you don't give up. I'm proud of you."

4. Acknowledge Success
"Mum, I can read this book all by myself." Make your child aware of success. Don't just tell your child how pleased you are. Say something like "I hope you're pleased with yourself. I hope you notice what an achievement this is." When put this way, your child learns not to depend on others for praise. Instead children will start to feel that they achieved something for their own good.

5. Behavior
Praise your child for behavior that you want to see again. "I really liked your good table manners in the restaurant." Acknowledge good behavior with a simple thank you. "Thank you, that's great that you help making lunch."

On the other hand, don't just punish children for misbehaving. Let them think about their actions. "Why was it not good what you just did?" Have Children to actually give it some thought. Kids need to learn how to judge their own behavior. Don't just tell them what's good and what's awful.

Children deserve to get praised - you can never praise too much! Be genuine and listen carefully when your child tells you about achievements, however small.
My more thoughtful ways to praise are very well received. My son is especially impressed by my new ability to listen. He loves to explain in great detail how he improved his football skills.

He already picked up my new habit of praising. Today, after lunch, he said to me, "Lunch was much better than yesterday, well done."