How-to Prepare for the Delivery and Post-Partum Rooms when Having a Baby

A little over one week ago, my wife and I received the greatest gift we could ever wish for: the birth of our first child, our son Nicholas. What's more, we were a part of the diminishing realm of parents who didn't find out the sex during the pregnancy, so it was that much more of a surprise when he was born. To describe how much, and how fast, our lives have changed in little over a week is likely akin to trying to describe what it's like winning a lottery ticket, I suppose; in a flash, everything is different, you have new joys, new hopes, new fears, and you feel infinitely richer. Only with our gift, we'll continue to win big on the returns daily, instead of having our friends and relatives attempt to steal our riches.

It wasn't all perfect, however. We had a few struggles during the delivery and post-partum phase, as certainly almost every set of parents do. There was an unexpected trip to the NICU, and all the fears and worrying that accompanies such as trek. Everything turned out for the better in the end, thank goodness, which is all that we were hoping and praying for. It's a shock to one's system to have to deal with emergencies, but as they say, it will make you stronger when it's over.

There were other surprises that occurred, however, as well as some moments that we were able to handle because we were prepared, and it's these that I'd like to share with you now. There is nothing that I can write that will prepare you for parenthood - you need to discover those, and work through this adventure, on your own - but if you heed my personal tips, learned through both experience and a birthing class, you should at least fare well at the hospital when you and your spouse enter the delivery room, and then transition to the post-partum room after, to enjoy the time with your newborn. I hope these serve you well.

Tips to help you and your spouse during delivery:

1. Baby class preparation: By all means, if there is a baby class being offered near you and your spouse at the local hospital, take it, take it, take it. My wife signed us both up for a six-week course called "Birth and Parenting Preparation" which was every Monday. I have to admit, at first I was skeptical, but it was amazing how much more we learned about the birthing process, risks and benefits of drugs for delivery, what to expect physically, and more. We made new friends, had a tour of the hospital, and learned about how to prepare for the during and after phases of pregnancy. These classes were absolutely fantastic.

2. Birthing ball: When you and your spouse check in to the delivery room at the hospital, you're more than likely going to have hours yet until it's time to deliver. During this time, having a "birthing ball", which is a fancy name for an exercise or yoga ball, is a wonderful way for the woman to pass the time, and help with the pain, by sitting and bouncing on this ball, especially if she cannot walk the hallways. This is a must-have for the room.

3. Take off those rings: Gentlemen, HEAD THIS ADVICE! I believe all rings, jewelry, etc. are automatically taken off the woman, but men (or partners) are generally ignored in this area. I was even given this advice twice, separately, but forgot to heed it. Trust me, you will WANT to do this. Take off any and all rings that you have, for when the woman squeezed your hands/fingers, they WILL cut into you, and provided the most painful handshake/squeeze you've ever experienced. It is best to leave your wedding band and any other rings at home, or take them off and put them someplace safe, like your pocket. You will thank yourself for this afterwards.

4. What to expect with an epidural: According to our "Birth and Parenting Preparation" class instructor Lisa Erbes, BA, CD(DONA) LCCE, the most popular form of drug-induced pain-relief for women during delivery is to receive an epidural. An epidural is the process of injecting a local anesthetic into the space outside the dura mater of the spinal cord. An average of 6 to 8 out of 10 women in delivery have this procedure done, my wife being one of them. We both did not have an objection to the use of drug pain-relief during delivery, however, my wife experienced the main disadvantage of the drug, which was lack of feeling any pressure or desire to push when it came time to deliver during full dilation. So if you choose to receive an epidural, we recommend you INSIST on the following: ask the nurse to check dilation a minimum of every 45 mins. to an hour, after receiving an epidural. After my wife received one, she was able to actually fall asleep during contractions, which is great, as the woman needs a lot of rest, and time to restore energy. However, the downside was that she was so relaxed, she went from a 5 1/2 dilation to a 10 in about two and a half hours, much faster than we expected. Which leads to the insistence of having the nurse check where the woman is, and this: when the woman reaches 9 cm dilation, INSIST that the epidural is turned off (and not down, either, but off). The reason for this is simple: the pain-relief will still be in the woman's system for at least another hour, so having the epidural on during this last dilation will almost certainly cause the problem we experienced of "not knowing/feeling when to push." With it turned off by 9 cm, the woman should be able to still have some relief to fully dilate, but then have the necessary feeling to "push" when it's needed, and make the delivery process go much smoother, and safer, which is what everybody wants.

5. Episiotomy - know your rights: In short, an episiotomy is a precision cut with a scalpel from the vaginal opening to the perineum by the doctor, done to enlarge the birthing area. There may be a situation where this precise cut is absolutely vital, for the health of both the mother and baby, but know this: for whatever reason, again according to Lisa Erbes, BA, CD(DONA) LCCE, your doctor MUST inform you that not only does he or she want to do it (in short, cut the mother), but he or she MUST ask your permission to do so. Repeat: he or she MUST ask your permission. If the reason is absolutely vital, the doctor can and will explain it, but almost always it will not be necessary. Even if the doctor says something like "I need to make room for the vacuum (if it's required)", this room is not necessary, for it is better for a woman to tear naturally than to be cut. Why? A natural tear is analogous to a "zipper" or "Velcro", and will heal faster, cleaner, and stronger. A scalpel cut, on the other hand, will take longer to heal, will hurt more afterwards, and is more prone to ripping open again. In addition, tears and cuts are rated on a "1 to 4" scale, with 1 being the smallest. A tear may end up being a 1 or a 2, whereas with an episiotomy, it's a minimum of a 2, with greater chances to become a 3 or a 4 during pushing, which will take far longer to heal, and hurt much more after delivery. It is vital that you have a discussion with your doctor before delivery happens (some call this a "birthing plan"), so he or she knows your wishes about cutting vs. tearing. Some doctors will cut without even saying anything, and that is an absolutely no-no: they must get your consent before doing so.

Tips to help you and your spouse during post-partum:

1. Staying overnight: Once delivery is over, in about an hour or so, both of you will be transitioned to a different room in the hospital, which is in the "post-partum" wing. Here, the woman and husband/partner will stay overnight for roughly two nights, barring any unforeseen complications. The mother will of course rest comfortably (relatively speaking) on a maneuverable bed, while the husband faces something else entirely: a chair that folds out into a bed. In order to get any amount of sleep during these first two nights on this "bed" monstrosity, it is highly recommended that you bring several blankets from home, as well as your own pillow. Using one or more blankets to sleep on, making the bed softer, and your own pillow will ensure a proper night's rest.

2. Using the nursery: Speaking of getting some sleep, probably about the last piece of advice you'd expect a new parent to give is to tell you to sleep alone your first night in your hospital room, while your newborn, whom you've been waiting 9 months for, is asleep in the nursery - but that's exactly what I'm telling you. The nursery is there - use it. After delivery, both the woman and partner will be completely exhausted, and this marks the beginning of innumerable sleepless nights; diapers, feedings, tantrums, etc. Your sleep will never be the same. So for this first night, spend a few hours with your child after birth (of course!), but then, take advantage of this repose, and get a good night's sleep in your room, alone. Believe me, you'll thank me later.

3. Meals: During the post-partum stay, the mother will be treated to some succulent, delicious meals free of charge, and rightfully so. Not so, however, for dad/partner. In short, be prepared to pay, and bring exact cash (lots of ones), or your debit/credit card. Meals are not free for the dad/partner, and though the food is fantastic, you'll have to pay for them. Another way to enjoy great food without paying is to bring along a bag of nutritious and easy to eat meals, such as fruit, dried fruit, health/snack bars, beef jerkey, trail mix, etc. Either way, be prepared to pack, or whip out the wallet (one of many instances to come).

While there are certainly plenty of other tips, I feel that these all hit the major ones to be prepared for. But whatever does happen, and however long your stay in the hospital, let me be one of the first to say: congratulations on your new baby, and your new adventure! It's most certainly worth it.

Sources:

David Shea - author, and new father.

Lisa Erbes - BA, CD(DONA) (Certified Birth Doula thru DONA International), LCCE (Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator).