Grilling is a Southern Family Sport

The slow hazy days of summer are upon us. Sweet corn is growing and it's ok to wear old worn shorts, battered Birkenstocks and those T shirts with pictures and slogans of restaurants, motorcycle companies and charity events.

Summer in our town is a time for grilling or what we call "cookin' out". Grilling is an important sport that we here in the sunny south take seriously. Marriages can dissolve over the proper way to grill chicken or barbeque ribs. I had an uncle that would not speak to his wife one summer because she criticized his grilling skills and it was September before the tension broke and they went back into the house and got ready for the fall.

There was a time when grilling was a man-only sport but women entered the arena of charcoal and gas and now grilling is a game of both sexes. Grilling is now Pluribus Unum, yes ma'm.

It is important every year to stick to the rules so we do not become careless and drift towards liberalism that could lead us to plank salmon, portabella hamburgers and stuffed pork chops with blackened pâté. Just grill some chicken or ribs and maintain good etiquette. This conservative approach assures a lively family game.

Remember that grilling etiquette is important and the first step can lead to success or failure. Don't be nervous. Approach the grill, not very fast but with a commanding determination. Stand before it and while staring at the lid scratch your elbow or rear, spit to the side, do some stretches and then slowly lift the lid. You now have "possession".

A rag dipped in cooking oil is then rubbed on the grill. This prevents sticking or "holding" and allows free movement or "traveling" of the meat you will be cooking. Light the grill and step back. You are practicing safety and projecting an image of confidence and control. Northerners and maybe some Germans would simply throw a match in at this point and yell for beer. Stay focused.

Pick up the large tongs and fork hanging at the side of the grill and begin to talk loudly about how they should have been cleaned. This is called "outfield chatter" and you want lots of it. It lets you vent things you've had stored up inside of you all year and lets those around you know you have been industrious and simply did not have time to clean this and would a little help kill anybody?! The team needs to hear this.

Next place the meat on the grill thus putting it "into play".

Now get organized by complaining. It takes a bit of work but it brings everyone into the process. Call out for lemonade, a clean platter, where is the deck umbrella?-you'll die in this heat--as if anybody cares! Hint that the receiving of the lemonade is a bit slow today. All of this builds initiative in the family team and they begin to pull together thus overcoming any remaining inertia. Everyone is now moving!

When the meat is cooked bring it to the table on a big platter. Do this yourself as it establishes your image as a great coach and provider. Place the meat in the center of the table or "bring it home". Go into a post game critique of the quality of the meat, the difficulties of grilling and accept any thanks you may get for a job well done.

Then bow your head and thank God for Propane, charcoal, good weather and Maalox. Afterwards find a toothpick, settle back and prepare for the next game.

Go Team! Great job!