Happier Family by Design...Kids First?

Born in the very beginning of the 1980's I am a part of what I call the 'cusp' of Generation X and Generation Y. Being this age means that I have grown up with divorce hardly being a rare or 'shocking' event to have seen or experienced, in fact having seen the divorce rates go over 50% it's more common than what earlier generations considered a normal through sickness and health commitment actually lasting til death. It is from this perspective that I am wondering if maybe we need to officially redefine the order of major milestones in life to optimize the love and happiness our life.

I have seen many marriages end, mostly after having kids and often at least from the outside it looks like this change in family structure definitely has something to do with it! These couples fell in love with each other as they were without kids. I believe that this kind of love is something that would be better to find after having kids, logic being that people who become parents spend more of their life as the them that they become after having kids than beforehand and so to find the optimal person to spend that greater portion of our life with to take care of that part of our lives first.nd that perhaps the first step of picking a mate should take place first.

So this leads me to the first part of what I am proposing
Finding a mate before finding a true love and getting married. What I mean by this is to take child bearing as seriously as someone who is choosing to become a parent by themselves would, imagine being a woman who is selecting a sperm donor for example. If this became the norm, I can imagine people who wanted kids and were willing to commit to assistance in caring for and raising the child participating in a whole new kind of dating that would include a parental commitment more like a business partnership than a marriage. Hopefully this would help to ensure that the parents are fiscally, and parentally committed to the raising of the child as well as having established requirements around support through the gestation of the child regardless of personal relationship status. The Advantages of Being a Single Mom by Choice .

Having a situation like this would allow both parents to get the support that wasn't provided by the other parent from wherever they wanted. Stories I have heard about possessive husbands and boyfriends who control who a pregnant woman can see would be completely different contextually. Pregnant moms wouldn't have the pressure to keep their man happy above themselves for example which can sometimes be an issue. Also what is currently referred to as "Child Support" and "Custody" wars wouldn't happen because all of this would have been sorted out prior to the huge undertaking of having a child and would be legally binding. Goal here is that the number of dead beat parents would drop significantly in this kind of arrangement.

But what happens next?
What would happen next of course would be the bearing of the child and adjustments that occur at that point. Mom would be well supported as part of the agreement and their complimentary parenting styles agreed upon ahead of time as well as the custody arrangements that give both of them time with their kid(s) as well as kid-free time would allow for the development of their personal and eventual marital relationships. Single Mom Dating Tips .

Logic here is that by the time the journey starts on the seeking of a marriage partner both parents would be their true and established self and be able to find someone who is ready to love the person they have become. Love would be based on love for each other and not be so much of a mashup of varied responsibilities. Situations where a partner doesn't like the person their spouse becomes post-baby would be irrelevant because they wouldn't be married until getting to know the post-baby version of their true love.

I do believe that many of the parental teams would likely fall in love and perhaps eventually marry but the pressure and expectation to do so would eventually be removed. More importantly though the parents would have the support of each other to get the time they need to date and build a relationship because the child is wanted by both of them and responsibility is not being shirked as it would be for an unwanted child.

As crazy as this might sound, I really do believe that this is the way we are going in our culture, consciously or not. Legal binding documents and procedures that would separate the commitments to children from those between parents are the biggest part of the changes I am proposing. I know many once single parents who like myself fallen in love with the person they are now happily married to after having their first kid/kids and are living very wonderful fulfilling lives.