The Bible Says So

I received a rather cryptic text message from my sister Tina yesterday, "Don't forget to call in Gay tomorrow." I thought it was just Tina being Tina, sending me some bizarre message that would leave me wondering for three hours what she's been smoking.

But there was method to her madness. In protest of the recent passing of a law banning gay marriage in California, Gay rights activists are encouraging people to "call in gay" to work today. Well, shame on me for coming in to work like the responsible adult I am. I sure hope they let me keep all my flannel.

I'd like to talk to the genius that came up with this idea. Don't we already have enough obstacles to overcome as gay men and women seeking equality in a country that says "separation of church and state" but doesn't really mean it? How can the act of pushing the hot buttons of people in the straight community actually help us with our cause? The problem with this idea is you're trying to reason with unreasonable people.

I recently watched a re-run of a West Wing episode where Martin Sheen's character, President Bartlet, goes off on a radio personality saying, "I love your show. I particularly love how you call homosexuality an abomination." The whole scene is an in-your-face blatant attempt at pointing out how ridiculous it is to use the Bible as the reason to prevent gays from garnering equal rights.

The target of President Bartlet's rant, the only radio personality out of a dozen or so who's actually sitting down before the President in the Oval Office, responds, "I don't call it an abomination, Mr. President; the Bible does."

Bartlet: Yes it does. Leviticus.

Jenna Jacobs: 18:22

Bartlet: Chapter and verse.

I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleaned the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another?

My chief of staff, Leo McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police?

Here's one that's really important cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7 If they promise to wear gloves can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point?

Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother, John, for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads?

Think about those questions, would you?

One last thing, while you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.

No matter your religious beliefs, if you take the Bible literally, you are literally ignorant, and you need to join the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club. That said if you think calling into work is going to make a bunch of homophobic ignorant people suddenly open up the church doors to you, you are sadly mistaken and just as ignorant. You're trying to reason with unreasonable people. You can't do that. What the organizers of such protests fail to realize is the people at whom this protest is being aimed don't want us at work anyway. They'd be happy if we didn't exist at all.