Humorous Headlines in Newspapers, Funny Titles on Books and Magazine Articles

My nominees for the Headline (and Title) Hall of Fame, in no particular order, are:

Nothing Could Be Finer Than a Crisis That Is Minor in the Morning

This is the title of a collection of poems written by Charles Osgood of "CBS News Sunday Morning" and "Newsbreak" fame, published in 1979. CBS News' poet-in-residence is a master of rhyming news commentary.

His book was dedicated to Dr.Seuss, "who gave me a new way to look at the neuss."

Pamela Anderson Seeks to Have Bust Removed in Frankfort

I recall this headline being posted on the Web site of a local television station in January of 2006. It appeared just after the news broke that actress Pamela Anderson had sent a letter to the governor of Kentucky on behalf of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) to protest the fact that there was a bronze bust of Colonel Harlan Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken Corporation (now part of YUM! Brands, Inc.), on display on the first floor of the Kentucky State Capitol building.

After a couple of hours, the headline was changed to something more bland that referred to a "statue" of the Colonel. I assume the TV station had received some phone calls complaining about the first headline.

For the record, the bust of Colonel Sanders in Frankfort, Kentucky is displayed in a hallway at a side entrance to the Capitol, not in the Capitol Rotunda near the statue of Abraham Lincoln.

Lord Love a Duck...especially one whose down is out

While we're on the subject of birds, I remember this headline being printed in the Louisville Courier-Journal for a feature story many years ago. The story concerned a bald duck that lived on a farm in the region and that, for some reason, was unable to grow feathers.

I think the lady who owned the farm knit little sweaters and caps for the bald duck so it wouldn't get cold, but I forget the details. I loved the headline, though.

No You Weren't

This was the title of a 1996 book review by Phil Scott of the novel, "I Was Amelia Earhart." It's rare to see a book review title that gets such a head start on the actual review. Do you even need to read the review to know what Mr. Scott thought of the book? No you don't.

Jackie Talks About the Man Who Took Her Home!

This is a headline I remember from a supermarket tabloid some years ago. I always get a supermarket tabloid to read when I go to the beach because they're good for laughs and make decent drink coasters after you're finished reading. This front-page headline ran above a photo of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. The article inside concerned a brief comment she made about a conversation she once had with a taxi driver...

Weir Number One

This was the headline on the front page of the Lexington Herald-Leader sports section the day after Canadian golfer Mike Weir won the Masters Tournament in April of 2003. Below it was a photo of the triumphant Weir on the 18^th green at the Augusta National Golf Club.

The headline was a rather nice play on words, I thought.

Sources:

Personal recollection.

Nothing Could Be Finer Than a Crisis That is Minor in the Morning by Charles Osgood. (Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1979.)

www.cbsnews.com/stories/1998/07/09/sunday/bios/main13584.shtml

www.upi.com/Entertainment_News/2006/01/13/Anderson-teams-with-PETA-to-pressure-KFC/UPI-94301137187495/

www.kfc.com/about/history.asp

http://www.tighar.org/Projects/Earhart/Books/BookReviews

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/masters/story?id=1538328