Hunt for Sasquatch

For those who don't know what Sasquatch is (also known as bigfoot), it's a big, tall (six to twelve feet), hairy creature with human like features. It lives in the mountainous areas of Canada and the United States (or so goes the legend).

I was first introduced to this information as a kid by my brother. He became excited every time he heard anything about bigfoot. Even talked about hunting one down. Not to shoot it, but to prove it exists. Here's the exact words I imagine will come out of my brother's mouth if this event ever occurs.

I spotted a huge Sasquatch. He towered over me, but I didn't run and hide behind a tree and peek at him like a scaredy-cat. l extend my hand and asked, "How do you do?"

The Sasquatch sniffed a couple of times and grunted. Believe it or not, I knew what he was telling me. He didn't like being seen. So I said, "I know. You like to stay hidden. You enjoy that mystery, don't you? But I need to prove to the world you do exist."

This is where it really gets interesting. The Sasquatch held up his hands as if taking a picture with an invisible camera. I could hardly believe it. He must have had his picture taken. He pointed at me and I realized we were communicating!

"A camera?" I asked him. "I'm not good with a camera, so I didn't bring one. I invited my brother along because he's good with a camera and probably would get a good, clean picture of you. But he said he didn't want to hike all over God's creation looking for some mystical creature that probably doesn't even exist."

You know what that Sasquatch did? He fell to the ground, held his belly and rolled in laughter. Honest to God, I'm not making this up. "Yeah, that is pretty hilarious." I told him. Then I asked, "Can I get some of your hair?"

He jumped to his feet, shook his fist and growled in anger.

That scared me, so I backed away a step and asked, "Why not? It will prove you exist."

The Sasquatch grunted as if saying he didn't believe his hair would do that.

"What do you mean, it won't?"

A few grunts and it was no different than if he actually said, "My hair won't prove anything."

"I guess you're right. There is a lot of your hair on display, and it hasn't proven anything. I'll tell you what. I have this cage in the back of my pickup--." Oh boy, I shouldn't have said that. The Sasquatch growled and took a swing at me. Thank God he missed or my head would have been stuck in some pine tree out in the middle of nowhere. So I said, "It was only an idea. If I were to return with a real, live, bigfoot, just think of the hero I'd be."

That Sasquatch grabbed me and picked me up until we were face-to-face. He growled so hard his hot, stinky, breath frizzled my hair. I thought he was going to bite my head off! Literally. So I shouted, "Calm down. I don't have to be a hero. I just want to prove to the world what a magnificent creature you really are."

"Magnificent" must have been a magic word because he cooed and eased me to the ground. So I thought I'd lay it on thick. "Yes, you are a magnificent, glorious and marvelous creature. That's why I can't understand you hiding from the world and only giving us glimpses."

The Sasquatch grunted his disapproval of us knowing more about him and how scary humans are.

"Yeah, we can be pretty scary." I told him. "But look at you. You scared me so badly, it's a wonder I didn't cream my jeans. On top of that, you can even disappear and reappear somewhere else."

I swear that Sasquatch asked, "Like this?" and poof, he was gone.

"Yeah, like that," I said and asked, "Where did you go?" I looked all over, but he was nowhere. So I tried coaxing him back. "Oh, come on. We were just getting to know each other." He never reappeared so I said, "Well, my mysterious friend, we will meet again someday. And when we do, I'll have a camera, even if all I get is a blurry picture."

My brother will tell me this story is true with a straight face and his eyes as wide as saucers. "I know you don't believe it," he'll say, "but it actually did happened. I talked with a bigfoot!" Well, Brother, I know you have the ability to talk to anyone, at anytime, about anything, but really, a Sasquatch? That's stretching it a bit, isn't it?

© 2009 by Richard L. Meister Jr. cannot be used without permission.