Husbands, Skunks and Fabreeze

Living in the country has its share of pros and cons. The best pros are the animal stories that have happened to me over the years. This first story, happily didn't happen to me but to my hapless, bleary-eyed husband, Bob.

His regular routine consisted of getting of getting up at 3:20 AM. This is his favorite time because he gets to leaves the house, for town, by 4:30 just before the mass exodus of the psycholinguistically challenged members of our country community. These are the ones who can't comprehend the phrase, "Don't tailgate!"

Well anyhow....this particular morning, with sleep fogging his eyes and the sugar plum fairies still dancing in his head, (uh, never mind, that's Christmas) he herded our two dogs out the basement door and around the house to the dog-run.

More than once, for various reasons, including stepping in a new chipmunk hole (those little buggers have no decorum on where they build, and trust me when I say they are not as pleasant as Chip and Dale let on) I had repeatedly implored Bob to carry a flashlight. But no, real men don't carry flashlights!

Well, this morning he was carrying it, but had not turned it on. Something that I consider a novel change of pace. Hey why not trip around in the dark...pushing that little button is way too much work! But what do I know. I'm only a lowly woman. The female of the species usually TURN ON a flashlight if we're carrying one. But like I said, what do I know.

On the way to the dog-run both Brea and Maxi (one Akita-Husky and the other Collie-Shepherd) deserted him. In his sleepy-time, he just figured they were trying to annoy him because they didn't like being awake at this hour either.

He got to the dog-run, opened the gate, and the dogs wouldn't go in. They decided to do a wide circle around my husband, which at that hour of the morning is not a way to win friends or influence people. He stood there with the gate open and yelled. They cowered under the apple tree. He yelled again. They relented and ran into the dog-run, with both of them darting immediately into the left of the two, built into the side of the shed, doghouses.

Now this got Bob's attention. Low and behold he turned on the flashlight. Wonder upon wonders...not a creature was stirring...except...As the beam of light crossed the doghouses, the right house caught his attention. There, peering out of the dog house was a baby skunk. It had gone into the run while Bob was holding the gate open, jumping up and down at the dogs.

The light drew the little creature out of the house and over to the gate. Meanwhile, my two ferocious watchdogs cowered in fear, squashed into a doghouse big enough for only one of them. Bob opened the gate as the miniature Peppy LaPue approached, figuring it would scurry off to tell momma how it had followed the light.

The only problem was, it continued to follow the light. Bob, now fearing that he would run into more of the brood, kept the light on. Peppy must have watched one of those Poltergeist movies, where the little scary lady said, "Go into the light." Bob starts around the dog-run with Peppy in hot pursuit. The faster Bob went, the faster Peppy trotted. I swear he thought Bob was his mommy.

Well Bob got far enough around the dog-run and attached shed, that he lost sight of Peppy. Figuring the little fellow has given up, Bob heads back around to the house...Mwhahahaha...insert sadistic cackle...

Peppy...scared...tail raised...you get the picture...right on Bob's chest. Thank God the thing was little, it's aim was low.

And I...nestled all snug in my bed, while visions of blog fairies, danced in my head, woke to Bob standing in the double doors to our bedroom yelling, "Bonnie!" I, half-comatose, turned my head in his direction to ask, "What," and was smacked in the face by the most putrid and rank olfactory sensation I had ever been forced to inhale! I hid my face in the pillow as he sheepishly asked me what he could do because he had to go to work.

Fast on my feet as I am, and believe me when that smell is invading your house, your little feet sprout wings. I jumped into action. I tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. Not really, I just opened the window, but it sounded good. The only thing I could think of was Fabreeze. You know the odor remover! I sprayed him down, while holding my nose. He took a shower. Wonder of wonders, the smell was gone.

Now I was so pleased with myself that I called the 800 number on the Fabreeze bottle to tell them of my new discovery. The poor man on the other end of the phone was silent for several seconds then stated, "Ma'am we don't recommend using it on humans. We haven't tested it on people." Okay, now I must admit that sounded a little hinky because I spay it all over everything I own and most all of that stuff comes in contact with me.

But hey, ya' know, I always say, "Any port in a storm!"

Fabreeze did send me $50 worth of coupons......So I stocked up! Just in case!!!