I Am Cheating on My Husband

If we define "cheating" as being in love with someone other than your spouse, I am guilty. (Vin Diesel doesn't count; he's just an obsession.) Benny is my new love, and I just can't stop talking about him to everyone I meet. Some may see my love for him as quite odd, but if they had Benny in their lives they would completely understand. Whenever I think of Benny I just cannot conduct myself with any type of decorum. He is seemingly too good to be true, but he's the real thing. He completes me.

I had heard of Benny a few times over the past few years, but I had never paid him any attention or tried to get to know him better. I just figured he was out of my reach. Oh how I wish I had started this relationship sooner! I know he doesn't love me back, but I accept this aspect of our relationship because he still fulfills my needs -- in fact going above and beyond -- and does it with such finesse that I just can't do anything but love him.

My husband knows about my affair, and in fact, he's seeing Benny too. We have a very open relationship. I don't get jealous though because there is plenty of Benny to go around.

As some of you may surmise, I am suffering deeply from animism here -- but when something new comes into your life that changes it so much for the better -- you can't help but go a little crazy as you get used to it and begin making it part of your daily routine.

"Benny" is the name of my medical FSA credit card that I got through my employer. No one likes to say full words these days; everything has to be a nick-name or a shortened version of the actual word (i.e. "NatGeo" or "Mickey D's"). Benny is a play on the shortened version of "benefit," as in a "bene" card. I guess they thought "Benny" would be cuter, and of course they're right. He is red and smiley and he makes me incredibly happy.

I used Benny for the first time at my root canal appointment, and he worked just like a charm. I don't normally have $1,000 just lying around for dental emergencies, so Benny swooped in and saved the day. The pre-paid card is paid for monthly through pre-tax deductions from my paychecks -- but the full amount is available right at the beginning of every year. If you leave your job for whatever reason during the year, your employer is out whatever you spent over what you had paid-to-date. Sometimes life's little quirks just work out for the little guy (not often, but sometimes). Of course it's not just dental expenses: it covers anything medical including prescriptions, OTC medications, eyeglasses, contacts, all your doctor visit co-pays and whatever costs insurance doesn't cover, and first aid items like gauze pads and band-aids.

You have to guess up-front what your medical expenses will be for the coming year -- and if you end up not using the entire amount then you lose what you haven't spent -- so you have to have a good feel for what your average annual medical expenses are. I figure if it comes down to mid-December and I still have some money left on Benny, I'll just run over to the Chiropractor and get adjusted a few times and that ought to do the trick.

Now, if only Benny covered plastic surgery, I'd have to divorce my husband and move in with Benny.