I Am in Love with an American Soldier

Never in my life did I think I would leave my home and my loved ones for a man. It went against almost everything I believed and what I had been told my whole life. I remember my grandfather's words clearly, "No guy will ever be good enough for you; you are too special." I was quite young, too young to fully understand at the time, but as I began dating I finally understood what he meant.

That is until I met him, you know, "the one." So, here I am miles and miles away from my hometown, eagerly awaiting his return from his fifteen month tour overseas. I've never been so anxious and so scared in the same moment.

I am a firm believer that the way things are is how it was meant to be. I was called to be an army wife and to support my husband in the decision he made to serve our country. The role of an army wife is a struggle of emotions. I constantly have feelings of happiness and pride mixed with fear, doubt and worry. It's a constant game of waiting; if you ever want to learn the meaning of patience, marry a man in the military.

The day he left I sat in the airport parking lot and watched his plane fade into the sky until it evaporated, almost like a dream. Then I cried, not a soft pout, but an uncontrollable sob. This was my biggest fear; when he had to go, and it was facing me dead on. I drove home and replayed happy memories in my mind as I dried the last of my lingering tears. I finally found myself smiling because the memories were so fresh, so sweet. Then all of a sudden I began to cry again because I was so afraid that I might never have those moments again.

That is the day in the life of an army wife whose husband is deployed, a bittersweet mixture of happiness and sadness. Granted, not every day feels like I'm drowning in my own sorrow. There are days that are so busy I never had the time to feel sad. Then there are days when I just gave myself credit for getting out of bed and brushing my teeth.

Each night I have spent alone listening to sappy music and sipping wine is just another reminder of how lonely this lifestyle can become. However, I know that each lonely night will be soon traded for romance, laughter and those kisses you only see in the movies. I find hope and faith in those quiet moments alone. I find comfort in his voice and in his words. Every day I hear his voice echoing, "I promise I'll be back for you," with every move I make.

There comes a point for every army wife when they start to count down the days. For me, I wait until a couple of weeks beforehand. Counting down anymore time than that would literally drive me to insanity. Waiting six months is easy compared to waiting two weeks. It become unbearable, the time drags and one day can feel like months.

In preparation to his homecoming, I have so many doubts and concerns running through my mind. Countless times I have sat and pondered the worst. My worries consume my mind. My biggest fear is that he has changed from the man I fell in love with. That he will return home bitter and resentful, but I know deep down that nothing is farther from the truth. He has changed, but by growing into the man God intended him to be. He has broken out of his shell and become a leader and a hero; someone not only I can look up to but all of America can look up to and respect.

There are not words to express how my heart aches at the thoughts of what he has seen and done. The fact that he can wear a smile and laugh at my silly jokes amazes me. The joy in his voice when I speak with him on the phone stuns me. It takes a real man, one with an abundance of courage and strength, to be able to find happiness in the worst of situations.

He will never be able to understand my level of respect for all that he has done. Admiration is overflowing from my heart for this fearless man. I don't know another man that could amount to his level of bravery and integrity to complete a fifteen month tour in Iraq. There are not words to describe the type of honor I want to show him, the type of honor he deserves. However, with all my heart, I will do everything in my power to show him my level of appreciation. The appreciation I have for him for protecting our country and for giving me freedom.