I Am a Survivor

Some mornings just smell different. Is it a smell or is it an intuition? Either way, you just know something is going to happen that particular day. You have no idea whether it's going to be a good thing or a not-so-good thing but you just know, in your gut, that something is going to happen.

That's how my day started today. I was finally beginning to feel like myself again; to get back to the 'real me.' The break-up hit me like a ton of bricks. At the time, it was almost incomprehensible. In my more self-assured moments I fancied myself 'in touch' so when the hammer fell, ka-Boom. It knocked the wind right out of my sails. But that was 2 years ago.

Its funny how certain things weave themselves together to build a bridge, a path, a trail that leads you out of a fog of sadness. I never used the 'D' word because that sounded too extreme but, quite possible, I was 'D' for a while. But not any more. Apparently Robert Earl Keen and I went through a rough patch at about the same time because "Feeling Good Again" became my anthem. Particular songs, loving and supportive friends and a fulfilling career all assisted in the fitful journey towards my new normalcy.

So both Robert Earl Keen and I were feeling good again. And even if this morning smelled different I had to get myself to the gym and from there to work. The gym was not negotiable; my Reebok Easytone shoes didn't seem to be fulfilling their promise. But that was okay because my gym time was good for the spirit. I wasn't going to be striking a Captain Morgan pose or anything, but it was a good start to a busy day.

Did I check the mail last night? I was out shopping the pre- Black Friday deals and forgot to even look through the stack. The newspaper was getting so thin that I could turbo through it in the time it took to drink one cup of coffee. Sad, really. I still preferred the printed word on real paper. Anyway, there was plenty of time to rifle through the mail and enjoy another cup of black goodness.

What was this big, official-looking manila envelope? I cannot believe this! Ha-ha-ha.

Yessiree. No wonder this morning smelled so different. I'm scared and happy and nervous and overwhelmed and scared and happy and... wow. I still have no idea if this is a good thing or a not-so-good thing but it certainly is SOMETHING. The letter was clear. I was chosen to be a contestant on Survivor.