I Am Woman

Who is this idiot named Splutch who has posted the article Her I Stand as an affront to the sensibilities of all women? Who is this figure who has emerged from a smelly cave and stands before me scratching, burping, and passing gas in an unmanly way. His breath has the smell of garlic, basil and oregano and his feet have the odor of brontosaurus droppings. This is not the image of a man but more accurately that of a child like creature standing there with his loincloth on backward, blinking in the light of an early morning sun, made noticeable by nothing more than the grumblings of an empty belly, and his sword and shield that are no more than mere toys.

He has proclaimed to the world "that he is gladiator' when in reality, he is no more than a silly fool. Let this unfortunate soul beware, for I am women. I will not retreat. Nor will I bare my bosoms; what lies beneath are not toys useful for the preoccupation of an idiot. They are objects of art held in reserve for the attention for a member of the genus and species known as Homo erectus, individuals who, under the more proper circumstances of a warm fire and a full moon, are capable of nothing less than creating the sounds and brightness of lightening and thunder on a distant horizon, the reverberations, real or imagined, of the hoof beats of stallions pounding on the surrounding tundra; all of these thing accompanied by the clash of cymbals that surround them.

Only then will i bare my bosoms while the other, the child like figure will be left to do no more than fondle his sword and shield and contemplate his own short comings. It is no accident that the fire in his cave is put together with little more than the little twigs and short branches of small trees.

The company I, as woman seek is fully grown and fully capable of engaging in an act some might describe as a "magnificent capitulation"; and when the sweat that glistens in the light of the moon evaporates and the grasps for breath ease to the more comfortable rhythm made possible by the availability of proper companionship, I will dust the man off, provide the gentleman with a more proper shave and hair cut and invite the man home to meet my momma.

Fini