I Cry for Television

Welcome to the writer's strike where my favorite TV shows have about 2-3 episodes left. And then there will be no more new shows. Nothing. But don't worry we have "reality" TV to comfort us. Well there's always wrestling and football. Oh, my aching stomach. I can't say that all reality TV is bad, there are a few shows I like such as Surreal Life, Hogan Knows Best, and Survivor. The biggest problem is that now there are SO MANY reality shows and with this strike looking to loom into early 2008 we can look forward to more because many of their writers don't work for Writer's Guild.

The latest entrant into the reality foray blows my mind: Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Thank you Ryan Seacrest. Not only are you a talentless hack that got famous off of American Idol, not only do you have radio shows but now you have Ryan Seacrest Productions. The E! network must be insane with what they pay you. This is the same network that dumped Howard Stern, but they give us Seacrest?! Dear God, my eyes are bleeding!

So Seacrest, the boy genius who entered the world of broadcasting at the age of 15, creates a show around a D-list at best family consisting of Bruce Jenner who know looks like the walking incarnation of The Crypt Keeper, Kim Kardashian who's only claim to fame is a sex tape she made with her ex-boyfriend, her hanger-on sisters, Bruce's kids and the Mom. Please make it stop! Vanilla Ice wasn't available? Kim's dad was a high profile layer who passed away in 2003 and he's most famous for being OJ Simpson's personal attorney. But other than that he was famous for...well...pretty much nothing. The only thing Kim really has going for her is to set up a competition with Jennifer Lopez for Worlds largest ass. That might be a a show that would pull in some viewers. E! network feel free to steal that idea!

Seacrest gets 20 million dollars from E! to create this crap and I have to slave away on local wrestling shows where I get to host Bleedling For Pennies. Not that I'm some amazing talent but it proves how incredibly unfair the world is. But I disgress.

What should I expect? This is the same network that gave us The Anna Nicole show and we all saw how that ended: A woman and her son dead and the paternity suit of the century.

I'm not just going to pick on Seacrest and E! here. I Love New York and all of its various incarnations are horrible. HORRIBLE! Has anyone with a working set of eyes looked at this chick objectively? She's hideous! I can't believe guys would even want to date her. Well realistically they probably don't, they just want the exposure of national television to better themselves but I can think of less painful and less humiliating ways to go about it. Fear Factor comes to mind. I'd rather stick my head in a tank full of electric eels that put my mouth on that classless skank. I've seen better looking women at the local flea market.

Damn you, Flavor Flav! I used to like Public Enemy back in the day!

What will the alternative be if the strike doesn't end? Ladies and Gentlemen ABC presents the all-day Pretty Woman Marathon? Reruns of Three's Company?
Somebody out there needs to pay up! I'm hearing this strike may even affect the CBS Evening News. Now this is ridiculous if I want reality, I want my Katie Couric, damn it! We're not even going to get original late-night shows out of this! Who's going to write the jokes?

No more soaps? No All My Children? Ahem, not like I watch any of that stuff!

On the flip side, if this thing drags on I can see the home video retail and rental market skyrocketing. But what happens when the movie scripts dry up?!

End this strike, save me from the Kardashians!