I Have Dementia ,I Am Not Crazy

I wake in the morning with a young lady standing over me,she says she is a nurse ,but how do I know who she is. It is 6am and she is telling me it is time for my shower. I am still tired I never get up this early, I told her why can't I sleep a little longer and she says that she has other people to take care of so if I want a shower i need to get up. What is this? So I oblige I tell her that I need to use the bathroom first. She tells me that it is not far to the shower room I can wait until I get there. Well I have a surprise for her I am 80 and my bladder and bowels are not in control. Soon she is running for a bucket. Guess what the joke is on her this time.

My daughter stops in to see me. She asks we what I had to eat I am sure I did not have anything. They do not feed me in this place. She says of course they do then I remember the slop that I was given. Certainly wasn't my cooking. They don't know how to season anything. My daughter promises she is going to bring me lunch from Wendy's I can hardly wait.

There is a man in a wheelchair that goes up and down the hall setting off alarms. He scares me so I tell the nurses and they laugh and say he is harmless well he still scares me he comes in my room. So now I am propping my door shut. That worked until the nurse breaks in. I have no privacy here. I have no dignity left they have taken all of it. Does anyone care what I think or feel. I am still here my brain is just not working the way I want it to. I am not crazy!!

Somebody comes in my room and wants to do exercises. I tell her I am waiting for my family to come I cannot go today. So we exercise in the room. Where is my family? If they would come I could stop this silliness. I know I did not want to burden any of them but now I sure could use them to come to visit me. I am getting tired I will just lay down while I am waiting and rest my eyes.

It is getting late where are my kids? How are we all going to fit in this little room. I have 6 children to care for. I get myself out to the hall looking for them but I see alot of strange faces that tell me my kids are grown and have families of there own and that they will be in when they get off work. That is just nonsense. They take me back to my room and call someone for me. Oh here comes someone my daughter with my lunch , now it is coming back to me. Why is this Dementia mixing everything up?? Why is the time changing on me. Why are the days changing. Why do they give me dinner when it is breakfast . I tell them I am not eating that slop. My daughter tries to tell me what is correct. What does tomorrow hold for me.

I realize that things are going to change every day. I ask my daughter if I put everything in Gods Hands would that be crazy. She tells me no that God will take care of me. Tomorrow is always a new day. I hug her and tell her how much I love her as I kiss her for the night. She leaves my room with tears running down her face.

This illness has to be devastating for everyone especially for the ones who suffer with this and their families.
This is just one day into my mother's life since going in a nursing home there will be more to come.