I Did it Again

I ate something bad and now I feel guilty. I have read one million health books. I have gone to a thousand health seminars. I have talked to nutritionists. I know that everything at a fast food restaurant was made to destroy the body. I know the chicken, fish, and beef are all hormone infused and come from over crowded cesspools of torture and insanitation. I know the western diet is just a device for population control. I know the diet is designed to keep pharmaceutical companies in business and booming. Yes, I read the book Skinny Bitch. Yes, yes, and more yes. But, I still did it again.

I still catch a craving that will last until I suffice it. Yes, I went to Chic-fila and had a fried chicken sandwich even after I swore off chicken and inflammatory food. I know the solution to all my problems yet I still indulge. I figured I can get "a little taste" and be okay. Everyone knows that certain foods can be addictive. Once you get "a little state" your brain will only crave it more. I need to retrain my taste buds, which is a chore I am still working on.

I always say I will raise my children differently. I'm not going to even let them taste bad food. I will save them. But, I need to save myself before I save them. Who am I fooling? But, my diet has a lot to do with the way I was raised. My parents are quasi health nuts but still let us eat like the average kid. We had our share of French fries and apple pies. I was a child of the '80s. I grew up with Ronald McDonald and loved all the Wendy's "Where's the Beef?" commercials.

Guilt still finds me and follows me home because I know better. I fell to weakness today but will rise to greatness tomorrow. My behavior stretches far beyond food consumption. My emotional consumption has her moments as well. Every once in awhile if I miss an ex-boyfriend, especially a bad one, I will call just to hear his voice and get my fix and then I'm back on track to continue my life.

They say we eat badly because we all need to feel love and comfort. I guess food is the fastest fix for that.