I Didn't Know He was FAT PHOBIC

When we fall in love we would all like to believe that the person we have committed our love to will love us no matter what. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case.

There he is the man of your dreams at the other side of the room giving you that look that he would like to get to know you better. As fate would have it you both leave the restaurant at the same time and meet at the door. He starts a small conversation just long enough for both of you to continue talking while you walk to your car in the parking lot. Thirty minutes later after some great conversation he asks you out. You stay cool, and say yes that would be wonderful. You leave in your car wishing the date were now. He seems so wonderful.

He picks you up for your first date and both of you are surely impressed just how great both of you look all dressed up. The first date is successful, and months follow. You can't believe this man has fallen in love with you. Of course you are a very interesting person, and work hard at looking the best you can. He has said more than once over the months how much he loves you and can't imagine life without you. Well, that is until you put on some weight.

The first time it happens it comes out of nowhere and hits you like a ton of bricks. This seemingly wonderful man who loves you more than anything, and can't live without you says "Maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner. after all you are getting a little porky, Miss Piggy". Life as you know it seems to end at that very moment. You can't believe your ears. You are in such shock, and so humiliated, you don't even know what to say. You then go off to the bathroom to cry your eyes out, trying to figure out what just happened.

What has happened is the man you fell in love with is Fat Phobic. It never came up before, because you were the perfect package. Sometimes the monster doesn't rear his ugly head, until the situation affects him in some way. I mean after all, you have put on twenty-five pounds since the accident that left you less mobile, or perhaps the thirty-five pounds you put on while pregnant with your child. Whatever the reason, the Fat Phobic doesn't care. All he knows is he literally hates the way you look, and just knows that people will judge him by how you look. So, where's all the love gone?

Well, he probably still does love you, and then again maybe not. It all depends on what the most important thing he loved about you in the first place. If the most important thing to him is who you are there's a chance the Fat Phobia can be worked out. If he was most impressed by how you looked, and took your personality out of default, forget it. This man is going to find a new Barbie to soothe his shaky ego.

Some of the signs he may be Fat Phobic is his blatant remarks, which is easy for anyone to figure out. However, some more subtle signs may come about. He may all of a sudden not want to go out as much with you, and make up all kind of lame excuses why. He may not you want you to be around his friends as much as before. After all the trophy has gotten a little tarnished. He may actually try to limit your food intake in some ways. Whether it is less money for groceries, or insisting on low calorie foods only. If he's a real jerk he may do it through hurting your feelings. He may start looking at every pretty, thin woman when you're around and comment how great she looks. One of the biggies, is he might even restrict your love making sessions. The worst-case scenario is he just goes out and has an affair. After all Mr. Perfect deserves Miss Perfect.

Please know that I am not talking about people who put on large amounts of weight that may be hazardous to their health. However, if your love does put on a lot of weight, showing them that you still love them and will be by their side to help is the way to go. They are still the same person inside you fell in love with. With a Fat Phobic it's not about love. It is about low self-esteem, what others may think, and an obsession with perfection. Counseling for this type of person is a good option.

My personal feelings are that if in the end he can't accept and love you exactly the way you are, it's time for you to let go, and hope Ken eventually fines his eternal Barbie!