I Didn't Want One Anyway: Should Guys Buy Drinks for Girls, Answered

Michael Mays attempted to answer the question Should Single Guys Buy Drinks for Women at Bars? and did well at justifying his position. The question, though, remains unanswered, so here it is: yes, of course, you should, and no, you absolutely should not. The actually correct answer for you, a single guy out-and-about, depends on too many factors for me to give an all-the-time-correct answer. Here though, are a few answers for people not in Michael's situation.

Yes, you should absolutely buy a drink for a girl, and a guy, and, hey, why not the whole bar, if you have too much money and no idea what to do with it. As a bonus, you are much more likely to receive some expression of gratitude (by which I mean a simple "thank you" or perhaps a drink in return) than if you just buy a drink for one girl - particularly the one who has been drinking on everyone's money except her own all night.

No, you should not ever buy drinks for anyone - including your friends - if you cannot honestly afford to do so. Besides the obvious problems, what if you do get a response? What if she would love to go on a date with you? Will you ask her to pay for the whole date, because you spent your entire paycheck buying drinks for girls until one said yes?

Yes, you should definitely buy a girl - and her girlfriends, perhaps - a drink if you are celebrating and have been conversing, however casually, with your bar-side neighbors, when you are buying a round for your friends. Of course, you should only do this if you are actually moved to do so, or feel that it would be a rude snub not to include them.

No, you should not buy a drink for anyone just because you feel obligated. This will only make you resentful, particularly if they do not respond with even a "thank you", as I have seen many girls not. Drinks should only be bought because you want to buy them, and feel comfortable doing so.

Yes, by all means, buy a drink for a girl who really catches your eye, but that you do not want to approach while her friends surround her, if you truly feel that you want to do this, if you are okay with (possibly) getting no response at all, and if you honestly can think of no other way to approach her. Avoid the desperate angle, though, by giving your business card or a brief note to the bartender to deliver with the drink. Let her know that you would love to talk to her, but did not want to interrupt "girls' night out" and you may even score a few more points.

No, you should not make buying drinks for girls your main project at bars. Also, you should not buy drinks for girls that you do not know if you have nothing to back this up. Granted, a lot of girls will not spend much or any time talking to a guy just because they receive a free drink. In fact, there are quite a few who will not even deliver a simple "thanks" or a smile across the bar. However, if you get an actual response, or, better yet a girl who decides she would love to talk to you, you need to have something to say. While buying drinks is fine for an occasional icebreaker, it should not be your main routine, as it does not stand alone well.

The bottom line is that buying drinks is not an obligation, in either direction. Guys should never feel obligated to buy drinks for girls, and if you do, that is all the more reason not to do it. Guys should also never buy drinks expecting that this act will obligate the girl, and again, that is a very good reason not to buy the drink. Buying drinks for girls (or, for the modern girl, buying drinks for guys) in bars is just like doing anything else. It should be done because you want to do it, because you enjoy doing it, because you feel good about doing it. It should not be done to please someone else, nor should it be done if you feel you will attach any negative feelings to act.

Thank you, Michael, for reminding us that chivalry is not dead, and that it has nothing to do with buying drinks at a bar. I, personally, have never thought negatively about any guy who did not buy me a drink. In fact, a lot of guys DO buy drinks assuming that they will get "something in return", and I would honestly rather avoid the hassle. So, if in a rare mood someday, you attempt to buy me a drink, please do not be offended when I refuse. It is definitely nothing personal, and I would still love to talk to you.