I Don't: 10 Reasons to Re-think Marriage

I used to be a stereotypical little girl dreaming of an expensive wedding to my very own Prince Charming in a beautiful white princess gown surrounded by friends, family, and half the world's supply of red roses. Then I grew up.

I've watched countless marriages fall apart throughout my family and my friends' families, including that of my parents. I've seen and felt the emotional, financial, and physical turmoil it causes. I'm not saying don't get married. You guys are big and ugly enough to make that decision for yourself. I'm simply suggesting that one step back and embrace my ideas for a brief second. Who knows? You may end up thanking me for it afterwards.

Reason #1: Marriage has shifty origins.

It's only been in recent history that marriage for love has even been an option. Marriage began as a joining of people for reproductive and financial purposes. Arranged marriages were created to bring two souls together in order to survive the family's namesakes. Don't get me started on the whole dowry business either. Selling and buying people for the sake of popping out a kid and getting yourselves financially stable makes me very, very unhappy. People weren't married for love; they were married in order to continue the human species. That doesn't sound too appealing to me.

Reason #2: Weddings are religious based.

This reason is more aimed at Christian weddings. I'm just going to be really blunt with this; I hate Christianity. I'm not well informed enough about other religions to be able to judge them, but I assure you that I am very disappointed with the Bible and its discrimination. I believe that if two people want to be joined together they should not need approval from God or Jesus or the messengers of these two people. They should not need to be one man and one woman. They should not need to have someone who is tight with God to bless them. They should be whoever they damn well please and not need permission from anyone but each other.

Reason #3: Legal contracts aren't romantic.

In my opinion, pledging to share your life with someone else shouldn't require a signature on a legal and very binding contract. It's not very sexy. It is, however, a very good way to encourage your partner to run away screaming. Commitment shouldn't be scary. Signing something that holds you accountable in every situation is very scary. This is a step in the wrong direction to me. I find it's insulting to ask someone to bind themselves to you with a flourish of a pen. It's kind of like suggesting that the other person isn't responsible enough to be able to handle a solid relationship on their own. They need to have people witness a scribble on a piece of paper so forevermore their significant other can shove it in their face that they pledged allegiance to the dark side. Feel the love.

Reason #4: Marriage adds pressure to relationships.

This is a bit of a continuation to the previous reason. When you have that wedding and you make that vow before everyone you hold dear in your life, you make more than just a commitment. You pretty well much pressure yourself for the rest of your life to worry about that day and all the things you should be doing to make it work. Your spouse will bring up the oath you made on your wedding day during arguments, guaranteed. Nothing makes someone feel horrible about themselves more than breaking a promise that they made with well intentions. If you don't follow through on those vows, you're screwed. To quote someone dear to me, "I want my guy to wake up next to me because he wants to, not because a piece of paper tells him to." Why add that burden onto your already perfectly happy relationship?

Reason #5: Marriage creates peer pressure among friends.

If you thought jealousy in high school was bad, wait until your friends start getting married! All your nearest and dearest start getting hitched around you while single, unattached you watches with steam coming out your ears. Getting married is certainly one way for you to alienate yourself from your unmarried friends. They may be happy for you, but unless they're fully secure with themselves, they'll start wondering when they will get a piece of the action too. If they have to sit there over coffee listening to you brag about your nuptials for long enough, they will vomit into their non-fat lattes and stab you with sharpened stir sticks. Nothing brings out the green-eyed monster more than pointing out why you're better than they are.

Reason #6: Weddings are a waste of yours and everyone else's time.

So you're in love. Why put on a big theatrical production for friends and family? Chances are pretty good that they've met your partner and therefore know you're deeply, madly in love. So really, why have a big fancy wedding? Why parade your love around like a show dog? If the people who would be attending your wedding already know your true love and they're happy for you, isn't that all you need? It's a huge waste of your time to go to all the trouble of planning out a crazy celebration that at the end of the day, no one will remember. They won't remember how well matched the bridesmaid's dresses were to the flowers strewn about the building, despite the hours you spent making sure that they did, indeed, match perfectly. They won't remember, I promise. The hours you put into a wedding will stress you out and make you irritable. You can only hope the marriage makes it out the door for it to be worth it.

Reason #7: Weddings are extremely selfish.

Again, this is an extension of the previous reason. If the world knows that you're in love then why do you feel the need to create the already mentioned production? Easy. You're kind of selfish and egotistical. Why else do you want the big day? You expect people to come and watch you take vows to each other in a long, boring ceremony. Also, you expect them to dress up and have a smile on their face. Then, you want them to congratulate you on a job well done. You already know that the centerpieces were beautiful, the band was great, the food tasted delicious, and the groom or bride is a lucky man or woman. After all, clever you picked it all out, but still you want people to applaud your smart choices. Doesn't that seem a little selfish at least? I mean I'm sure because you'll have invited friends and family they will show up to support you, but you can bet they'll be taking advantage of that open bar afterwards.

Reason #8: Weddings are a waste of money.

Still carrying on from number six, apart from the ridiculous amount of time you'll be wasting to plan the damn thing, you'll also be investing a lot of money. Whether it's your money or your parents' makes no difference. You're still spending a large amount of cash for a single day's events. No one is going to remember the finely tuned details that you oh so carefully plan out. When it's all over, your wedding will be remembered by pictures, rings, a certificate, and lots of small appliances. Such a great financial effort may seem like it's worth it at the time, but seriously consider what else that small fortune could pay for. Some great alternatives for where your money could go are a new car (or quality repairs to an old one), down payment on a happy home, already existing (or soon to be existing) child's college fund, home improvements, RRSP's, or a well deserved vacation. Are there dollar signs in your eyes yet?

Reason #9: Weddings are unnecessary for a relationship.

If people are truly in love and committed for all eternity to their partner then marriage just really isn't necessary. Aside from time and financial reasons, it really just isn't necessary for your relationship. I know it's expected out of us, but if you're happy with who you're with then a wedding won't improve it. The only thing that can make or break a partnership is time, regardless of status. Your relationship is already at its peak and getting married can't make something that's already great any better.

Reason #10: Marriage is the number one leading cause of divorce.

Divorce sucks. I touched on this a bit at the beginning of the article, but here I'll go a little further. Divorce is a bitter, ugly battle waged on the battle-scarred grounds of love. Without marriage, this lengthy and traumatic experience cannot take place so I ask you, why encourage it? Studies are showing that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Why take that risk? Why potentially ruin your lives and your children's lives by making the mistake of taking a great relationship to the altar? You don't want that pain. Better to not make it legal and keep your pride in the end than possibly lose everything.

Marriage is a useless stress in our lives. Regardless of whether you're married or partnered you're still going to have the ups and downs in your relationship. The love of your life cheating on you won't hurt anymore if you're married than if you're partnered. Unless you start thinking about what a waste of a day your wedding was. That might sting a bit more. Just save yourselves everything and be happy with your relationship as it is.