I Don't Pay My Kids for Good Grades and Neither Should You

Good grades are important. They show that students are working hard and understanding what they're being taught. And the better the grades a student gets, the better the schools he'll be able to get into upon graduation. All of this pressure not only affects students, but their parents too. Parents want their children to succeed in school, as well as in life, and good grades are one way to get there. However, paying for good grades is not a great idea, and can do more harm than good.

I was never paid for good grades, even though I was an honor student all of my life, and my husband and I don't pay our children for good grades now. In our house, all of our kids are expected to work hard and do their best without monetary rewards, from grades to chores, because working hard in life pays off. At home, our kids pitch in according to their ages because families work together to help each other. Instead of worrying about what they'll get by helping, we stress the importance of helping others and supporting each other out of mutual love and respect.

When you pay kids for grades or chores, it sends the wrong message and motivates kids to live well for the wrong reasons. Instead of seeing the value behind hard work, children go through the motions for a paycheck. And when this attitude is instilled at a young age, it will most likely stay with them throughout their lives, as they go through the motions for a paycheck at a job, instead of working towards something they really love. Giving money for grades harms kids in the long run.

Paying for Grades Tells Kids "You're Not Good Enough"
When you pay kids money for good grades, it sends the message that you don't believe they can succeed on their own. Instead, they need monetary encouragement to meet their goals. By paying for As, you're basically saying that you don't believe that your child can or will do what's expected of him, so in desperation, you'll hand out cash for a good performance.

Paying for Grades Tells Kids "We Don't Trust You To Do The Right Thing"
Kids value their parents' trust and respect more than parents realize. And when parents pay kids for good grades, they're telling their kids that they don't trust them to do well in school on their own. This actually has the opposite effect; instead of kids being motivated by cash, they're actually being told that something is wrong with them, and that the only way they'll do the right thing is if they're paid to do it.

Paying for Grades is a Form of Bribery
When parents promise cash for a good report card, they're essentially bribing their kids into good behavior. This is no better than a parent who buys a screaming toddler a toy or candy at the store to make a tantrum stop. What parents should be focusing on is the motivation and heart attitude behind a child's actions. Rewarding behaviors like respect, love, kindness, and self-control, to name a few, trains a child to do well in life by giving him the proper tools. Bribing for a certain performance like good grades does nothing but tell a child that the outside is what counts. Instead, parents need to focus on the inside drive of that child.

When Grades Slip
Many parents who pay for good grades do so because they're afraid that their child will let his grades go down if they don't. Grades are important, but they're not the only indication of success or failure. Parents should focus on whether or not a child is doing his best, and treat poor grades as an opportunity to offer support.

Low grades are usually an indicator that a child does not understand a subject well enough or is not working hard enough. When this happens, I first meet with the teacher to understand exactly what the problem is and what areas need improvement. I then work with my child at home to help him better understand the subject until he's up to grade level with his peers.

Instead of punishment, lower grades are an opportunity to connect with your child, assess what's wrong, and help him improve, further instilling the hard work ethic that generally produces good grades in the first place.

Rewards Other Than Money
It's always important to reward children for a job well done, and while money is not a good choice, there are plenty of other rewards you can give to show your kids you're proud of all they've achieved. Rewards for good grades can be simple, like a favorite meal or a date out together for a movie or some hot chocolate. Our family enjoys going out to dinner on report card day. We don't go out to eat often, so this is a treat in itself, and our kids get to choose the restaurant. This gives everyone a special night and allows us all to be together to celebrate everyone's hard work as a family.

Other parents prefer small tokens like special pencils or art supplies, a small toy, or a new school supply like a calculator or electric pencil sharpener. These types of rewards are not only fun for many children, but they further encourage quality work in school, which leads to continued good grades

No matter what you choose, praise your child not only for the end result of good grades, but for the hard work that went into achieving them. By stressing the process over the end result, your child will have confidence that he can achieve success and the knowledge that you are proud of him. It's through supporting a strong work ethic, not paying kids with money, that will ensure good grades overall and success in life as well, which is really what it's all about.