I Feel like I Am Suffocating...!

Everyone gets worried at times but if you have an anxiety disorder, it is not the same. When suffering anxiety you are always fearing the worst, can not leave your comfort zones without terror and can not relax or stay calm. Even when there is nothing to worry about, your mind tells you there is and you can begin to feel tense all day, something that affects you and causes physical and emotional pains for no reason other than your mind trying to take control.

Wikipedia states "Anxiety is a physiological state characterized by emotional, and behavioral components"

Anxiety, the body's reaction to an imagined danger or threatening situation that really does not exist at all. Everybody has anxiety but not everybody suffers with an anxiety disorder such as (GAD) Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Wikipedia states that: "Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder that is characterized by excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry about everyday things. This excessive worry often interferes with daily functioning, as individuals suffering GAD typically anticipate disaster, and are overly concerned about everyday matters such as health issues, money, family problems, or work difficulties. They often exhibit a variety of physical symptoms, including fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes."

I am a GAD sufferer and have been since a traumatic incident 9 months ago. I was sitting at a restaurant, having dinner with my sister before a concert we were going to that night. We were enjoying the meal at this new restaurant in the City and i had driven in that day. This was her first time in the City as she was not from around the area.

During the time we were eating this delicious buffet of meat, salads and vegetables, I had a sudden feeling of sickness. I rushed to the toilet and was overcome with diarrhea, stomach cramping, nausea and headache. I was terrified and my sister had no idea what to do and could not drive my manual car. Being alone with her for the first time in the City was something new to me and my fear became a lot more sudden when I realized I was so far away from my comfort zone (home) and disappointed that I was ruining the night and was thinking things like "what a waste of money (tickets $200AUD)" "I was dying" " I was not going to get to the hospital in time" and "what was going to happen to me?" These were all sudden thoughts rushing through my head including the physical signs that at the time I did not know was anxiety.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, temperature rising, numb, sore all over, nausea, choking and complete breakdown. I began to hyper ventilate!!

Wikipedia states: "Hyperventilation (or over breathing) is the state of breathing faster and/or deeper than necessary. Hyperventilation can cause symptoms such as numbness or tingling in the hands, feet and lips, lightheadedness, dizziness, headache, chest pain, slurred speech and sometimes fainting"

Fear had overcome me and I began to lose consciousness while the ambulance was arriving. They had to take me to the hospital and test me for any serious signs of sickness and connect me to the drip as I was uncontrollably crying and my panic attack was evident.

This went on for an hour and tests showed I was in fact just suffering a panic attack. I didn't know this at the time nor did I know what it meant.

For several weeks after I could not relax nor could I be left alone, in fact I couldn't do anything normally as i would and the worse part is I had signed a contract to change jobs 2 weeks after wards. I did start my new job away from my comfort zone and caught the train daily, this was always causing me panic. I started taking strong medications such as Xanax or Mersyndol everyday because I thought I could not function without it. I hated taking this medication, relying on these to make me better. I wanted it to stop but the fear was so bad: I stopped going out alone, going out at night, eating at restaurants at night I could not do, hanging out with friends, going far distances and catching public transport was all a difficult process for me. But I knew i needed to do something about it!

I saw a counselor who reviewed me and suggested I see a clinical psychologist who would use (CBT) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help retrain my mind to stop thinking the way it did. I started seeing her 3 months ago and with my own will power stopped taking any medications as much as possible unless in dire need when very anxious (once a week maybe). I feel that with her help as well as the help of a book called 'Living with IT' by Bev Aisbett. It has helped me understand what it is I am suffering and that I can beat it because "I control my mind, it does not control me!" This is something I tell my self each day.

Don't think of anxiety as something that is made up or exaggerated, it is a serious disease that affects many people all around the world, some who don't even know they are suffering it. I am lucky I took action straight away and not waited years before getting help. I feel i am working hard not to beat this and it may take a while yet to overcome this but I know deep down in my heart I will get there with the support of my friends and family some of which don't even know I have this silent disease!