I Kissed Hillary Clinton

I'm from Indiana and Hillary is here in force right now and I went to see the dog and pony show. There I stood in the reception line, waiting for her to come by. The anticipation was amazing. I was never a fan of Hillary but heck, she's famous and I thought I was going to shake her hand and have a story to tell. I never imagined what was about to happen.

She was about 8 people away and I noticed an older man simply leaned forward a little and she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. I thought, well I'm going to do that too. I was about to kiss the former first lady. This was going to be the coolest moment of my life.

When she finally got to me I hesitated and she reached for my hand, then I awkwardly leaned forward and so we ended up shaking hands and kissing each other on the cheek. So I guess I got the whole treatment. It was a bit awkward because face to face she was very different.

First, her hand was cold and clammy and she did not grip my hand at all. Other women I have shook hands with in the past gripped my hand, to varying degrees but they gripped it. Instead Hillary's handshake was very limp and almost slimy. Now I don't say that like a mean person uses the word slimy. I just literally intend to say that, it was sweaty - kind of sticky in places and slippery in others, and slimy is about the best word I could think of to describe it. It's not meant to sound mean so please forgive me if you think so.

I looked up from our hands and my eyes landed squarely on her face for a second as I leaned in for my kiss. I was struck by how old she looked. It was like nothing I had seen on TV. Her wrinkles were deep and her eyes looked like those of a very elderly woman. They had a slight cloudiness to them like my grandmother has when she was near death. At that moment she no longer looked strong and powerful at all. Instead she was clearly fragile and aged. She really did look very different up close and I immediately took extra care not to bump into her for fear that she might be injured, as I am no small man.

My lips touched her cheek and she sort of air kissed me. I mean she did not press her lips firmly to me. I got half a kiss. That's OK, I'm sure she kisses people a lot and maybe she was just sick of kissing a bunch of strange people. When I pulled my lips away I had a terrible taste of makeup. You know the taste, kind of like house-paint and chalk mixed together. I was wearing a black long sleeve button up shirt and I used my sleeve to wipe the taste from my mouth. I waited until she was a few people away because even though it was nasty on my lips, I certainly did not want to show any disrespect to such a popular and famous woman. When I did use my sleeve to wipe my mouth, I had a significant steak of makeup on my sleeve. It was like she was literally caked in it. It must be some very good product because most makeup I know about would crack and fall off if it were on that thick.

She was not what I expected but she was a real person, and I suppose in real life you have to expect faults in people. At least I met someone famous. So that's what happened, I kissed Hillary Clinton.