I Lost Me I Lost You

It was so long ago
But my mind doesn't see it that way
And like a channel that only plays reruns
Images of you keep repeating in my mind over and over again

Over the years I tried to reach out to you
But I learned that you didn't want to know me
We last spoke on the phone with forgiveness in my voice
But the love I once knew was replaced by bitterness

You said I thought you were going stop trying to contact me
I promised that this would be the last time.
I said I just wanted to wish you the best and give myself peace of mind.
But in your voice it was the seething anger and resentment that I could not deny

I said I was sorry for all the hurt, pain and sorrow and if I could correct it I would.
Why cant you forgive me what did I do that was so wrong.
And that is when I learned about what was truly told to you
To my surprise a giant lie, your sister said I raped her, now I understand why

She covered up her actions and turned me into a beast
This explains the hatred, the anger, and resentment you have felt for me.
However it doesn't excuse the lust of my actions and what really happened
For days, weeks and months your sister groped, kissed and hounded me until I gave in.

Yes I confess to having an affair I tried to be faithful, I tried to be true. I loved you
But your sisters' sexual lust took control over me she pressed my buttons for her own sexual need
And even though I tried I was so guilt stricken I lied and said I didn't love you anymore.
Our break up was created by your sisters' lustful attraction she lied to cover up her jealous actions

But with a burning in your voice you didn't want to believe and so you poured salt onto me
but the next day your phone call confirmed the truth, your older sister confessed to our agony
but she also said that she was in love with me of which I never knew
suddenly you want to stay in touch, I said that would be too much, again you persisted

Haven't we endured enough pain to develop a friendship now would be insane, but you again insisted
All those years ago the lie you were told now I understand why you hated me so.
and with a giant sigh I just started to cry and my heart just melted away
Unfortunately you said time has replaced me with someone new for you

The love we once shared was no longer there. You said, I no longer love you
I am considering getting married are words that chilled me to the bone
With a shutter to my voice I said but I am still in love with you.
Don't the memories that we created mean anything anymore

Is there anything left anything you feel any type of love anything that's real
From the engagement party to the dancing
To the ring I thought would make you mine
However as time passed by I could not deny the love I once knew was gone and we drifted apart for good

but then there was one day in 1997
You knew it was me but you didn't care
You didn't even give me a stare but you knew I was there
And I could see you were carrying another mans seed
Maybe I shouldn't be angry maybe I deserve it anyways
But I can't deny what I feel inside
Abandonment and betrayal anger and a seething rage
If I could break up your marriage I'd do it today.

I don't know maybe you chose to marry him out of despair
Or maybe it was a rebound due to your sisters' affair
I don't know the reason I don't known which emotional crime
All I know is that my mind has been stuck on you for twenty two years in time

I don't care what any family member thinks anymore yours or mine
I have choked you in my dreams
And I have killed your husband a thousand times
I have seen you on facebook with your family and I will never give a nudge or send a message

I just wanted you to know you married the wrong guy
You can laugh as I curse you or shake your head as the years go by
But like a warlock a male witch I damn you till the end of time
May your family tree be poisoned with emotional trauma through the heart

May this infliction of this pain be a remembrance to our time
May the pattern of lust created by your sister be branded on to the generations in your line
I never knew I could have such hatred for you even after such a long time
I never knew I had this kind of burning rage against you

So as I put this to an end let me just remind you once again
it was your sisters dirty deeds that broke our bonds in the end
You could have given me a second chance
From the flowers to the poetry and all the phone calls I had tried

For the five years that I knew you we are now just a blink in time
For all the walks and all the talks so many years ago
All those cherished memories are now just part of a freak show
Everything we desired to have are now at the end of another mans prick

I sit back now and look at this story
And with the flick of my wrist I toss it to the fire
I look up to god asking him to take me higher
One last wish is for all those memories I have of you to be taken as if they never transpired

I lost me I lost you
Through the lust and the thrust of a sexual deed
I lost me I lost you
Embraced in a taboo of wants, desires and needs
I lost me I lost you
The fire consumed us and soon no one could breath
I lost me I lost you