"I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You"
Why do women so often end relationships with these vague words? As a woman, I have a few theories. First of all, we may actually feel that way. We care about someone, but do not actually want to be with that someone. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" really seems to get that message across in our minds.
The second theory is that we're trying to avoid hurting the person we're breaking up with. To us, letting someone know that we still care about them is kinder than saying we want to have nothing do to with them. Guilt would be the driving force here. Maybe the guy has a wonderful personality, is successful, sweet and handsome; it's too bad none of those things matter if you're not feeling the chemistry on your end.
I think in many situations we may also fear ending a relationship, despite the fact that we're ready to move into other things. Perhaps in a way saying, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" enables us to make the separation not so permanent or final. Relationships are very complicated, that goes without saying. After you've been in love or simply with a person for any amount of time you'll become attached to them, which also goes without saying. It's difficult to completely sever something you've grown so attached to, hence "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."
Now that I've been through all the reasons why women may deal these words out, I'll enlighten women as to why men hate to hear it. I'm no relationship expert, but I've heard plenty of complaints from many different member of the male population on this. Most guys say the same thing, "Tell me you hate me, tell me you never want to see me again, tell me I make you sick and you want to throw things at me just don't say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you!"" All this time, women thought we were sparing the feelings of men everywhere and they hate it, why? It all boils down to closure. You may not realize it, but in the long run "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" isn't sparing anyone's feelings, except maybe your own. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" is really just a selfish thing to say when ending a relationship. People need closure, and that phrase is far from closure. From a man's perspective, and most likely anyone on the receiving end of that statement, it's better to rip the band aide off in one fell swoop. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" you may as well pull each hair out one at a time.
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7 Comments
Post a CommentThis article is complete garbage. 99 times out of 100, when a wife says this to a husband it's because she is cheating or is going to cheat. It's called Mid Life Crisis and it's an epidemic. Guy's look out! If you hear this phrase from the wife, you in for a hell of a ride. ACT FAST to lock down your finances and file for divorce immediately. Your wife as you knew her is gone. This phrase is only spoken to the "Good Guys", because there is some initial sense of guilt about the destruction they will cause to their family. Just sayin!
The state I like you, but I'm not in love with is the same we get our children to take some awful tasting medicine. You sugar coat the truth, hoping somehow it will be swallowed easier. The truth is that doesn't make it easier, it leads to confusion. The person may hold on to a false hope of a return, when that will never be the case, unless the person leaving gets dumped themselves. They return, play the game until another comes along and serve up the same medicine once again
Men and women both need to learn that the truth of how the person feels about you, follows the word "but"
I like you sounds good,
but( this is truth that always follows)
I don't love you
Always read after the but and it will save you a lot heartache in the future. You will be able to move on much faster and won't be as confused to the person's true feelings.
I've there and the person that uses those words are very selfish, in protecting their path back, should the new relationship not work ou
yes , yes, yes ......nice work
It went from nuclear fireworks to desperate hurt in a matter of 36 hours. I can understand fading passion over time, but what I can't understand is how it could happen so quickly. Our relationship was only 7 months long--with engagment ring purchased, to buying furniture to fit my home. I don't want to be naive, but I truly believe it wasn't another man when she went back to her hometown to care for her brother. It hurts like hell. She won't give me closure of what happened. She did say she never had a chance to "find herself" after being married for 21 years to her ex. We started our relationship toward the end of her divorce and mine. The forever became a nightmare.
I like you, but I do not love you is what I might say to a guy. But I have guys that love me and are not in love with me. I told two men I hate and both thought I did not mean it. I think a lot of people mistake attraction for love and use the L-word too early, so it has lost it's meaning to me.
I don't agree with you, because I'm a woman and so far I've heard this from my ex nad my current bf, my ex bf said it when he never wanted me anymore and the current one have said it already without intending to seperate, he just want not to accept any responsibility toward me and my emotions that later on may get hurt....so it's not always women, but men also
Excellent article! Very well communicated! I fully agree with your views.