I Never Expected to Fall in Love

My heart was filled with concern for such a tiny infant, shaking and crying hysterically. I gently touched his cheek to wipe away the tears, and for a brief moment he stopped crying. He looked up at me and smiled back with water-filled eyes and only half a grin.

After smiling, he immediately returned to shaking, screaming and crying, as babies will do. I picked him up and did everything I could to comfort, and engage him, with baby rattles and toys; yet this precious angel cried inconsolably. Exhausting us both, he eventually fell asleep in my arms.

Regarding One Another

A line from the 1990s movie "Babe" caught Farmer Hogget at the county fair, holding a tiny, newborn pig and guessing its weight; as they "regarded" one another. I never knew what that movie line meant, until the moment my new foster baby and I "regarded" each other for the first time, in October of 1997.

Just 3 months old, frightened and hungry, this tiny angel carried with him a secret, which I was not at all prepared for. Although I was told prior to his placement with me, that he was drug exposed from birth, I had not anticipated the prolonged and far-reaching effects of this condition; nor did those who were close to me.

The Hidden Gift

The neurological symptoms presented as involuntary flailing, absence and febrile seizure disorders, usually brought on by severe fevers or uncontrollable fits, and loss of breath, sometimes referred to as "baby-blue" syndrome. I can remember feeling helpless, as I spent our days doing everything I could preventing known seizure triggers, by creating a calm environment.

Our calming routine included dancing, as I held this angelic child in my arms, desperately trying to soothe and preoccupy him during uncontrollable fits. The gentle rocking would take several hours, through many feedings, before he was able to sleep. We would later kid each other about our "distraction-therapies", especially as it pertained to mirrors.

Behind the Mirror

Mirrors unlocked a whole new world for him, as they somehow distracted his lacking coordination. His healing brain would intensely focus on discovering a new friend from behind the mirror; a friend requiring intentional movements and calculated facial expressions, as he negotiated our reflective images together.

Every day we bravely tackled the same extraordinary, bonding opportunities, as presented to us, while managing many situations simultaneously. Although exhausted we were inseparable, and two years later our adoption was finalized.

Divine Intervention

Through love, therapeutic interventions, and prayerful determination we overcame life-threatening obstacles. Still persevering and triumphing daily over unwanted and undeserved symptoms of neurological disorders, and reminders; that although he is not the child of my body, he is every bit the child of my heart, and of my laughter.

Where I wiped the tears away from his tiny cheek so long ago, my handsome son's face now reveals a single dimple, in memory of that day, every time he smiles. Looking back, I used to giggle nervously, overhearing parents describe how they had fallen in love with their precious newborns, because I didn't understand.

I had only planned on helping a few kids find their way, through an uncaring world. Yet like so many other parents, caught unaware, I just never expected to fall in love with, or to be so proud of all my son's accomplishments. He is my special Valentine!