I Never Thought I Could Miss My Mother More, Then I Had Children

My girls will miss the taste of my mom's signature cranberry bread fresh and warm from the oven on a cold winter day. They will miss having a another cheerleader just for them no matter what they do. Whether they march in the band, play volleyball or go into drama, their grandmother would be there. And they will miss unwrapping presents Christmas morning with their grandmother. Most importantly, my daughters will miss out on countless hugs, kisses and tender embraces.

My first daughter was born three years after my mother lost her six-year-long battle with cancer. She was only 52. My daughters have been robbed of a precious childhood jewel-- a grandmother. They spoil and indulge a grandchild, giving them a sense of special uniqueness and unconditional love that makes this world a little easier to grow up in.

A legacy of pictures and stories
We must rely on photos and stories to give my two daughters a sense of connection to my mother. It is so hard to explain to small children where their grandmother is. I take them to her grave on Mother's day, but to them it is just a place with a headstone. They do not know the strong and generous woman that the headstone represents. On the last visit, my youngest daughter wanted to dig my mother up so that she could see her. I want my children to feel as if they know their grandmother even though they have never met her.

I tell them about the way that their grandmother got a report card in elementary school that said "walks and talks." When they get older, I will tell them that their grandmother won a civic award from my school district for her volunteer work. I will explain how devoted to her two sons she was each and every day. She never missed a game in which my brother or I played. And she nearly memorized every article that I wrote for the school newspaper

My girls love to look at our wedding album, and each time they stop at the pictures of my mother and ask questions. Even as preschoolers, I believe that they understand something is missing and as they grow older, I know that they will understand their loss at a deeper level.

Granddaughters
My mother always wanted a daughter, but never got one. She did know two of my brother's three children and would dearly love all five grandchildren, but she would have doted on her three granddaughters as the daughters she never had. She would shower them with the little girl toys that she never got to buy since she had sons.

Unmistakable resemblance
My oldest daughter is very much the likeness of her grandmother at the same age. They have the same shimmering auburn hair, fiery spirit and a need to gab. I know that one day my oldest daughter will bring home a report card that says walks and talks. My mother would have told everyone that my oldest daughter's auburn hair came from her. I suspect that my mother would have started carrying a picture of herself at the same age in order to show the uncanny resemblance.

Missing a nearby grandparent
Somewhat selfishly, I miss having a nearby grandparent. I never understood the importance of a baby sitter that will come on short notice until we had children. When my child is sick through the night, I miss the chance to call my mother and ask what she did when I cried in her arms all night sick. It is said that children don't come with instruction manuals and that is true, but grandparents are the tips and tricks guide that make it a bit easier. One of my neighbors is lucky enough to have parents that live just down the street. I often see their children bouncing down the street going back and forth from one house to the other. Those two girls will look back on these days when they are grown and treasure that special relationship with their grandparents.

The love of others
My children are blessed that their maternal grandmother dotes on them whenever she can, although she is several states away. Even though my children don't have a grandmother close by, they have found a couple of wonderful adopted grandmothers that babysit and bring them trinkets from any trip that they take. It's not like we solicited for stand-in grandparents, but it just happened. One of the adopted grandmothers has her own grandchildren several hours away and our kids became the grandchildren close by that she doesn't have. As a parent, I am thankful to these substitute grandparents because I know that my children will remember the affection the rest of their lives.

Their grandmother watches over them
We have the treasure of a beautiful portrait of my mother as a toddler. It was painted by a German prisoner of war during World War II when my grandfather was a military police officer at a POW camp. My grandfather paid the prisoner to paint a portrait of my mother from a photo.

I have searched for the artist's name on the Internet, but apparently he never became a famous painter. I am surprised because the painting is beautiful and shows real talent. He and his family will never know how much of a family treasure that he created with this painting. We are especially grateful to have this portrait now that my mother is gone.

We have converted our dining room into a playroom for the girls and toys are scattered everywhere. No matter what they play, their grandmother's portrait watches over them. I take solace in knowing that. After all, isn't that what grandparents do?