I Have No Right

I have no right
I walked away
I decided on a different route
I embraced the life I desired
A life without you

I have no right
But
I want to know
Where you are
What you're doing
If life treats you well
Did you find someone to give you what I couldn't?

I have no right
But
I wonder
Do you ever think about me?
If a memory of me surfaces
Do you smile or wince
Do you hold the memory tight
Or force it away
Do you care if I found someone to give me what you couldn't?

I have no right
Yet
I smile
When memories of you surface
Because I cherish what you brought to my life
Because I hold secret little parts of what we shared
Because the bad moments of us don't seem so bad anymore
Because though it couldn't last, it was for a while
And that's enough

I have no right
However
I search for a moment
To show you I know how to be happy
To tell you how you helped me
To let you know I'm glad you were once in my life
To say I'm strong now
To explain why I had to leave

I have no right
Still
I miss our friendship
I long to make your bad moments all better
I want to share your triumphs and failures
I wish I could hug you again
I want to take back the pain I inflicted
I need you to understand why my departure was best for us both

I have no right
After
The choice I made
The way I treated you
My selfishness
My neediness
My disappearance
My lack of concern for your feelings

I have no right
But
I want to ask
Do you ever miss me?
What did you want us to be?
Why did you let me go so easily?
Why didn't you ask me to stay, just ask?
Not that it would've changed my decision - I don't think
Can you forgive me?

I have no right…