I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry Movie Review

What to do on a Sunday afternoon in Oskaloosa, Iowa but to hit the town's cinema which gave me the choices of viewing either I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry or Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I chose wrong, but at least my diet Mountain Dew wasn't as flat as the movie.

It's a sad day in movie history when the best part of this bomb was the ending (credits rolling), but I'm getting ahead of myself. Chuck Levine (Sandler) is an over-sexed stud who beds any female that crosses his path, already we know this is not based on actual events and Larry Valentine (James), gives us a grisly performance as he tries to juggle fatherhood along with his chosen career as one of New York's bravest.

We're first introduced to Larry's dilemma when he finds out his children, due to a technicality, will not be his insurance beneficiaries, unless he remarries. Enter dim-witted plot. After an almost endless rant on Larry's behalf, Chuck agrees to go along with the scam and becomes his "domestic partner."

Chuck and Larry seek the council of Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel), after they're paid a home visit from a creepy guy from the insurance claims department who suggests they should make their union official by getting married. Due to a tip off, a fraud investigator (Steve Buscemi) is sent to confirm the validity of this newly formed relationship, and this is where the atrocious gay themes begin to unfold before our very now sleep-induced eyes.

In the movie's first attempt to be witty, we have the duo trying to "gay up" their trash by purchasing gay-oriented items, such as: lubricant gel, Cher's greatest hits, and a framed photo of WHAM. I've been gay for 31 years and have yet to purchase two out of the three items bought, will I be losing my gay membership card now? Trying to over come my disgust, I'm now faced with their "dropping of the soap" shower scene. And how can we have a homosexual-related motion picture without this played-out scene where the men eventually break out into song blasting Chaka Khan's, "I'm Every Woman." I know this is the song I burst into when I'm lathering up in the mornings. It seems to me that the writers of Chuck and Larry researched their gay jokes and puns by interviewing Red-Necks and Homophobic men who were recently released from a Midwestern prison and asked them, "In your opinion, explain how a gay man lives," then taking their cave-man-like responses and whipping it out into a long drawn-out movie that lacks sentiment, actual gay insight, and significance.

Knowing that Sideways writers Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor put their two cents in the scripts leads me to believe that they need to stick to writing about what they know best, grapes and more grapes. Bottom line, I'm glad I was in Iowa where I only spent $4.00 for a matinee. Had I been back in New York City and spent a full $10.50, I would have demanded my money back, but gladly paid for my diet Mountain Dew.