I, Do Pay Child Support, and Still Can't See the Kids

Many of you have probably read my article "Stop Paying Child Support, The Secret You Need to Know", and have found yourselves on the other end of the stick. It drives you up the wall because you are paying your child support yet you can't see your children, whether it has been court ordered or not. I will tell you as far as the court are concerned, your paying child support has nothing to do with you seeing the child and it is illegal to make it such. So let's put it this way, you've been paying, and are at your wits end to see your child(ren) and still have not been allowed to see them so you stop paying. Now that leaves you in the line of fire for what's mentioned in the above article. I would not advise, even though I'm not an attorney, to stop paying based on those reasons. Believe me I've seen the terrible outcomes.

"So now what? I'm still paying and I can't see the kids." You say.

Most likely you're on the verge of knocking some heads together; you feel as though this isn't fair and you're not being given a break. So here is what you do, the options I give below are for those who have a court order to visit with their children and after giving you a few choicest to go about enforcing that you receive your visitation with your babies, I'll also help those who do not have an order giving visitation. I hope this helps those who are trying their best to take care of their children, only to have the other parent to deny them the right to visit with their children.

Court Ordered Visitation

Parental Alienation - This term is based on the custodial parent's (parent with custody of the children) attempts to deny the noncustodial parent (parent without custody) court ordered contact with the child. Parental alienation can fall along the lines of telling the children to tell the other parent that they don't feel like visiting with them. Normally, despite what it is assumed the child is wanting, until it's brought before the court again then the custodial parent can not bar visitation. If the custodial parent speaks negatively against the noncustodial parent which has an influence on the child's reaction to the visiting parent, this can also be looked at as parental alienation. To sum it up any manner in which a custodial parent out of malicious intent, attempts to keep the children away from the other parent. A lot of courts find this form of alienation damaging to the mental and emotional well being of the child, and if proven, can be enough of a reason for the custodial parent to lose custody of their child. If the child is being harmed then the right authorities must be contacted. The custodial parent can not just take the law into their hands. Just because a parent has made plans on the date that is normally a visitation date for the other parent isn't a good enough reason for a parent to deny visitation to the other parent. If the court has ordered it then it shall remain until otherwise changed.

Contempt of Court Order - This is the order that gives the noncustodial parent whom already has specified days and times for exchanges, drop-off and pick-up definite help. If the visitation and/or custody order is violated, and the court must decide whether the contempt was intentional or not, which the noncustodial parent believes to be malicious, then a contempt of court order can be filed. Keep in mind I'm not an attorney, however I will give you the information I have experienced directly or indirectly, and researched. Just like in any court case where you are attempting to prove the other parties guilt, have proof. A lot of times just having your children to say that the other parent won't let them visit doesn't hold a lot of bearing. The court is not going to want to put these children through unnecessary stress. Don't feel like your case is shot to the four winds because it isn't. You still have options. If you have to get a police report stating that the custodial parent hasn't brought the children for visitation, then do so. If you have multiple police reports or individuals stating that the children are not being allowed to visit, then you have proof and witnesses. The court will either enforce, sanctions or warnings in extreme cases loss of custody and possible jail time for the other parent withholding the child from ordered visits. So I advise that custodial parents be very careful in the risks their taking under malicious intent, and the noncustodial parents that feel as though their rights are being purposely stolen have means to enforce the law.

Modification of Custody and Visitation - This order can really be filed at any time normally about a year after the final order for custody and visitation (check with your state laws, the county in which the child lives, or the order was enforced laws) were filed unless circumstances have changed drastically (Example. Either parent is preparing to leave the state, or a change of schedule at work.). This order can be filed in conjunction with the Contempt of Court Order as a form of Relief/Counterclaim. You can request more time I would advise that you check with your state's guideline on what is the normal visitation schedule. Some of these schedules can have every other weekend, two weeks in the summer, etc. so do check with your state's visitation guidelines. Requests for custody can be requested on a 50/50 basis, meaning sharing custody. This puts you in a position to be scrutinized by the court, which would want to know your living status, means of support, etc., anything that would disrupt the child(ren) lives in any manner. If you truly want to be with your children this wouldn't matter unless there are underlying issues. Most people are happy with the visitation order that has been given if only it could be enforced, so truly think about how the changes will impact the children and not you or the custodial parent.

Penalty Fees - These fees can be implemented by the court if they have given a specific time for pickup and drop-off for visitation. So this can work two ways, normally it is more threatening to the guilty parent. Sometimes the custodial parent might arrive for the visitation late and if you only get eight hours once a week with your child(ren) it doesn't seem fair. Instead of taking the law into your own hands and returning the children back late, giving the custodial parent ammo to use against you, request that the court give a time for exchanges and a penalty that is either monetary or otherwise. This sort of exchange normally works if you do exchanges at a center that monitors visitations or at the police station, so if you have to ask for a change in exchange locations so that it will be easy to track then do so, but let the court know that, you will feel more comfortable, and please have the address of one of these facilities, so the court can implement them into a new order.

Child Endangerment - I can tell you this is a concern of so many noncustodial parents. Only I repeat only use this if you know that your child is being hurt, and you need to contact the right authorities, children services, the police department, etc. I also want you to keep this in mind if the child has not been hurt and it is believed or found out that you have fabricated the whole situation then it will backfire on you, and believe me they will find out. So if you have a concern that the custodial parent or someone that are around the children is doing illegal substances in the home or that your child(ren) are being ill treated in any manner, this doesn't mean when they receive what is deemed normal discipline, then by all means, take action.

Request Change of Judge/ Judicial Officer - This is a true option that can occur. Everyone has the option to request the court for a change of Judge or Judicial Officer. There is a time limit in order to this you must do it at least 30 days in some states before the actual court date. Do not ever feel as though you have to continue an injustice or fear that you still won't be treated fairly, you have options and learn your state laws in order to find out what they are and be sure you have a sound reason to justify a change. Don't continue to feel trapped and continue to be treated unfairly in this situation.

Fight back, but in the right way and legally. Do not do anything that will ever jeopardize you seeing your children again, things done in anger like any sort of correspondence can come back to bite you in the a-- well you know. For those who do not have an order for visitation as of yet here are some things that you must do first:

Legitimate - This means to make the child legally yours as if you and your ex partner were married. Normally if you were married then of course the child is considered legitimate unless there is circumstances that you've brought up to believe that the children may not be yours, however being married gives legitimacy to children.

Stable Home - This means provide an environment in which the child will not be in danger at. No drugs, and no abuse of any kind. Be very careful that your reasoning for seeking visitation with your children is not to annoy the other parent, because that is not a reason to see your children, however it does show that you have a mental instability and that you concern yourself more with revenge than the well being of your children. So truly think about your motives for the best interest of the children.

Court Process - If everything has been done above then you can file for visitation, etc. with your children. I pray that the situation includes two civil parents who care more for the children than their own gain and all should go well. Some times if you have two cooperative parents then you can go through mediation and agree to an arrangement in the best interest of the children.

If through all of this you do what you are supposed to do, and you still find your self not receiving fair help then go to the above list; research your state law in family law issues, seek an attorney or at least a consultation if you can not afford one or consult legal aid. Both way know your options and know that I've experienced certain issues yet am not an attorney. Best of luck.