I Promise to Act Surprised (October 2004)

I get so impatient.
And yet I wait with baited breath.
I practice waiting the way I practice my dancing.
Every single day.
Your fear breeds patience, but not in me.
I see glimpses of you, behind the carefully contructed mask.
And it isn't even Halloween yet.
I want it back:
long, graceful fingers curled around mine,
tingles up my spine,
feeling your chest rise and fall as hot breath escapes your sleeping mouth.
I can't stand the wait, and yet I cannot speak.
palpable silence surrounds me like an envelope, the letter inside is blank.
but I want to throw the words like stones. Words that cannot be taken back.
Words spoken linger, they hang in the air forever. These words are for keeps.
Words that remain trapped in my throat...
my mouth like a cage, the words a menagerie of wild animals.
It is not my place to say it, and so I wait...
for you to drop me a sign, a hint I cannot miss.
The suspense builds in me...I know you will say it.
every gaze an insinuation, a silent invitation.
But I don't know when.
And so I remain in a perpetual state of waiting.
When you finally set those magic words free,
I promise to act surprised.
you were always the best at surprises.