I Raq, I Ran, I Ham What I Ham

In a knee-jerk reaction to the HAM (Hog Associated Mayhem) incident, which deeply offended students of a certain strain, the streets of J...ville, A...ma were taken over by clan members.

Wearing their trademark robes and clone caps, clan members rode on pigs that had been 'liberated' from a nearby abattoir. They carried placards with signs like, 'I stink therefore I ham' 'I Raq, I Ran, If Amri can't who can?' and 'A trotter in hand is worth two eaten by Bush'. Some members merely carried ham steaks and sandwiches, which were highly offensive to the swine that they were riding. In the bedlam and general rioting that ensued, fifteen clan members and twelve pigs were taken into custody. While the clan members are awaiting trial for disturbing general ha(r)mony and peace, the pigs have been restored to the abattoir.

According to the official spokesperson of the clan, "The members were merely demonstrating their democratic right to demonstrate." He carried on to state that, "Eating ham is our birthright. No stinking pigs can take that away from us.'When he was asked about the fate of the pigs that had been returned to the abattoir, the spokesperson made a thumbs down gesture- somewhat like a Roman emperor at a gladiator show.

A de-robed clan member has since revealed that the entire sordid episode merely used the HAM incident as a cover for a deep rooted controversy. "The pigs were merely symbolic. Actually, we wanted to revenge the 9/11 carnage and the 1109 crusades. It was also to be a blow against the Hijrah and the Haj, whoever they may be."When pressed for details, he admitted that he was not aware of their exact identity, but suspected that Hijrah was a cousin of Osama, while Haj was probably an Al- Quaida operative. In any case, both were baddies and deserved what was coming to them.

Meanwhile the local residents are picking up the pieces and clearing the streets of HAM associated debris. Peace is returning to the area as the clan members and pigs have withdrawn to their respective lairs. The situation is tense, but under control. However, beneath the calm surface lurk undercurrents of the KKK kind. '
"We got hotheads of all kinds here," revealed a local resident, "hotheads and hogheads." He added somewhat ungrammatically, "Which is which, and who is who? Today they were demonstrating against HAM, tomorrow it will be the turn of us Humans."