I SMOKED MY CHRISTMAS DINNER
a Twelve Bar Christmas Carol
I Smoked my Christmas Dinner
And I Drank Wild Turkey Too
I Passed Out Under a Newspaper
And Now I Am Covered With Bad News
So When You See Me At The Rescue Mission
You'll Know I've Got The Christmas Blues
You Know I've Always Liked Santa
We've Shared Us A Drink Or Two
At Least I Think It Was Santa
He Had Delirium Tremens Too
Look At All Those Pretty Reindeer
Good Lord I've Got The Christmas Blues
You Know I Had Deer Meat For Dinner Last Christmas
Imported All The Way Down From The North Pole
Seems Like They Cut Back On Santa's Food Stamps
That Rudolph Sure Makes A Mean Pot Roast
What With All The Budget Cut Backs
Even Mrs. Santa's Given Up The Christmas Ghost
Santa's Sleigh Is Up On Cinder Blocks
And He's Trading The Parts For Booze
The Elves Have All Become Tweakers
They Stole All The Toys And Pawned Them Too
Now Santa Is Crashing In A Doorway
You Know He's Got The Christmas Blues
If I Could Have One Wish For Christmas
I Wish Santa Would Dry Out For A Day Or Two
And Get Himself To Rehab
And Take Those Elfin Bastards Too
And Bring Me Another Bottle Of Wild Turkey
Because You Know I Got The Christmas Blues
Published by Chris Berry
Chris is a writer, songwriter, and recording artist with Retrofit Records who lives in N/W Arizona with his wife, step son, grandson, 2 cats, 2 dogs, a horse, some chickens and one bad ass rooster. He writes... View profile
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7 Comments
Post a CommentDark humor, Chris, but well done!
Awesome! I love Christmas Renditions, good ones anyway. :-)
That is so funny! I was actually laughing out loud at the computer screen. By the way, I think I saw Santa on the highway with a sign that said "Need money for bus ticket to the North Pole."
HEY YOUR ON THE HIGHEST RATED LIST!!!!! WTG
Cold Wind Blues - Coldwell Winfield Blues Band
It's the sadest time of the year, and the snow is on the ground, dirt is black on main street, my baby just can't be found, the cold wind blows up main steet, and main street is four miles long, feels more like fifty when you walk it all alone...oh yeah.
From morning til midnight alone with thoughts in my head, from midnight to seven wide awake in a double bed. Wish I had the system to function on my own two feet, you see main streets blown a cold wind and my radiators got no more heat...
Not as fun as yours but not bad for some Christmas time blues.
You should let the folks in Nashville hear this one. Could make the top of the charts in time for next Christmas!
Makes me feel like rushing out and dropping a ten spot in the kettle.