I Want a Committed Relationship but Should I Actually Seek One?

I'm a relationship kinda guy, meaning that for me to be involved with the opposite sex requires me to be in a serious relationship. I've never felt completely comfortable in my physical, intellectual or spiritual (not necessarily a religious meaning here, folks) interaction with a woman unless we were exclusive, if not fully-committed. At least that's the way I think I've always felt as an adult, even when I was unaware that I did.

The fact that my parents were so committed to each other (right up to my father's passing in 2004) obviously had a lot of influence on my attitude toward relationships. By the time I was about 19 or so, I would not date two or more women (that I REALLY liked) at the same time. I did the 'player' thing prior to that and, although fun at times, it just didn't feel right. I started my first marriage when I was 20 (really!), which ended in separation after 4 years, then divorce.

As I look back on all the dating I've done (between serious relationships) I realize that I would mostly selected dates that I thought could be potential mates. Of course, there were occasional exceptions to this, based on what my (and/or my dates') physical needs may have been at the time (I'm sure I don't need to be graphic here). But, the bottom line was that I wouldn't go on multiple dates with the same person, have super-long telephone conversions or (as technology advanced) extended chat sessions with a woman if I felt it didn't have a chance of 'going anywhere'.

My being a 'commitment seeker' was always something that my parents loved about me. However, was it always a good thing? In fact, I'm certain that there were times I may have 'forced' a casual friendship or acquaintance to develop into a relationship, simply because it was something that I needed. Or maybe even entered into a commitment because I was so appreciative of the notion that the other party wanted to. There could have even been times when a woman may have felt obligated to commit because she knew that was what I sought. There are so many other possibilities, many of which likely led to a couple failed marriages, and a HOST of short-term soap operas that I initially hoped had long-term commitment potential.

It wasn't until I was in my early 30's that that I realized that (for me) to have a REAL chance at landing a successful relationship, I had to stop looking for it. I then started just interacting with life itself and stopped being so preoccupied with having a mate, and decided to seek more balance in other areas of my life. Not only did I meet my wonderful wife (of 7 great years now) a few years later, but found fulfillment in areas of my life that I had unknowingly neglected. It would interesting to know if there are people out there with similar stories.