I Want My Kid to Send Me to Summer Camp

I want my kid to send me to summer camp. Is that so wrong? I ask you - why should our little darlings have all the fun? Magic camp, archery camp, sleepover camps, comedy camp, dance camp. If a kid in this day and age can't find his or her passion by the tender age of eleven, he or she isn't even trying. All of those cool options -- no wonder our kids are so savvy and shrewd...

For all you moms and dads out there, we are once again approaching that magical time of year. We must sort through those glossy brochures, those enthusiastic school handouts, those urgent e-mails - "Summer Camp Sign-Up for Video Game Design Starting now!" We must grill our children, sometimes repeatedly (getting a different answer each time), as to exactly what they would like to do over the summer, and where.

For those of our kids who have really underwhelmed their teachers, the issue may be a moot point - they are headed for summer school, like it or not. But for the rest of them, their parents must plow through those summer camp fairs, girded for battle and God only knows what else - polite chit-chat?

What if there was a summer camp for adults? What would that look like? How about Fashion Sleepover Camp? There might be meaningful discussion of accessorizing over the campfire. Relay teams where the pass-off would be adding a new item to an outfit (tastefully, of course). The campers could pair off and lend each other style advice. A runway fashion show, featuring the campers' creations, of course, would be a necessity. Watch out, Project Runway!

Or how about Fantasy Football Camp? One would choose one's team from a group of athletes, play one's team against another Fantasy Team and wager on the outcome - in beer and nachos, of course. This could be supplemented by an "Armchair Quarterback Panel" where each camper would take turns on a videotaped panel, venting and fuming about their local pro football team's latest draft picks, and what was the coach thinking, anyway? Didn't he know that athlete couldn't stay healthy? Or stay away from Las Vegas showgirls?

My camp of choice would be Water Camp. For years now I have packed my son off to the local YMCA for Water Camp Week, basically a tour of all of the local water parks. Every day I made sure he had the requisite bathing suit; towel; sunscreen; healthy lunch. And every day I would think, why not me? I have a vision of a water park where the parents would all be in the water splashing about, disobeying rules and committing infractions of every kind. And their kids would be the lifeguards, issuing time-outs and barking commands. "No running on the pavement! No bullying! Play nicely! If I have to tell you one more time ..." I think the kids would get a real kick out of this, as long as we eventually gave them some time on the waterslides.

I want my kid to send me to summer camp. On further reflection, I don't think my son would go for this. I think he realizes how good he has it. If I was a kid these days, I don't think I would trade places with my parents. Our kids are much, much too smart for that. We didn't have all of these choices, but our kids do. And they revel in their choices. So, back to packing those lunches, Moms and Dads! Summer Camp Parents everywhere, I salute you! You're doing a great job! And don't forget the sunscreen!