I Want to Be Popular

I want to be popular! It is a common problem among children, teens and adults that is not easy to answer. How does a person become popular?

Why is everything in life like a popularity contest?

Try as you might you just can't get the attention you feel you deserve. You are 14-years old and at school, the other children seem to hate you; why?

Some common questions are:

Is it something I did?

Is it something I said?

Is it the way I look?

Why me?

The honest answer is probably all and none of the above; thinking about how teens interact with each other and have little social groups that sneer at others is such a massive subject base. Why do teens often behave in such a terrible way to another?

Often it is not something that a particular teen has done or said to another group of teens. Usually it is quite the opposite. Take for instance a new arrival at school, he or she is quite and wants to slowly assimilate into the routine of the school.

This can be construed as being a bit of a loner, not confident, not one of us and almost certainly leads to being targeted by the more popular individuals. Why?

Sometimes with other groups of teens it is the not knowing or fear of another who has invaded 'their' space. Quite often at first question are asked by these groups such as who are you, where are you from and why are you here?

If these questions are met with a shy or angered reaction by the new arrival it can almost certainly spell disaster, and end up in tears for that person.

The reason is self social exclusion, if you exclude yourself by acting callous or shy (strange as some teen groups will have you believe) then teens are going to use this against you. If this is the case then almost certainly you are either going to fight back or not do anything. A no win situation all round.

So how would a new arrival at school stop this from happening? I suppose it is down to the individual's personality, if you are confident and outgoing and want to be involved then your chances of acceptance are a lot higher. It is a sad fact of the matter.

Usually we separate ourselves into groups, find the people who we want to be with and stick to that principle.

Goths will hang with Goths, jocks will hang with jocks and preps will hang with preps. Maybe if you feel this is the way to conduct yourself and get along and is the only way you will survive school then you may want to choose who you belong to and walk straight into that group with your head held high.

It is almost like our primitive instincts take over, we become part of a tribe as humans, and it is only natural. Sometimes we just have to deal with the flack take comes from being within a group.

Lets look at another reason people become bullies.

Bullies usually have little respect for anyone or anything, this includes their own self. They never think of the consequences of their actions or the feelings of others, and are usually because of their own social upbringing. Some of a bullies behavioral traits are out of pure jealousy; why can I not have what you have attitude.

They are sad people who have very little in the way of self respect and self esteem, so they have to take it out on others who do have nicer characteristics to their personality. Again because a bully fears that the attention may be diverted from them self.

The problem for an individual who is at the receiving end of all this is how to stop it or deal with it. It is not a very pleasant experience, going telling tales to teachers or authority figure can also cause problems. This is where anonymity plays a big part in a school or work place's procedures play a big part. It is important to be able to offer support for people who are being bullied, and have a sympathetic ear. Then deal with the matter and not leave it alone.

Becoming popular is not a do it is a must for a lot of people, which is not something that unless you are lucky is going to happen over night.

The problem is a person will either try to hard to be popular and fit in which can be seen as trying to get attention. Or a person will blindly go for popularity without knowing anything about who they trying to be popular with.

Why should a person have to try to be popular?

You shouldn't!

You should be you; you are an individual who has different needs and characteristics than those around you. Joining in and being confident is a big player in being popular.

Remember 'popular' is just a word, it means nothing and you certainly shouldn't be trying hard to have to fit in with somebody or a group. If you feel you have to try hard then these people are not really worth the attention that you are willing to dish out on them. Just walk in the opposite direction where you will always find acceptance.

I know it is hard and you want to be popular. Popular is how you make yourself, not who you hang with. Remember the people who are often popular are often those who are talked about behind their own backs or remarked not too kindly about by members of their own group when they are not around.

I'm not a psychologist; I am just going off experience of people around me and my own life.

I never really had a problem with social exclusion, and can kind of give a first hand account of how life went in my own experience. This is a little how my article is written and intended to be used by who ever reads it.

Popular is a word... some things in life are a lot more important than being coined with the term popular.

Be yourself... that is important.

Source: Nouse.co.uk and life