I Want to Be a Relevant Dad

Day after day it seems that the importance of family in a child's development is being downplayed by the media and by society in general. Our culture is propelled with the need for more, larger, and better, regardless of what the product is and whether we actually need it. This, in turn, steers our eyes and hearts to the almighty dollar. Families don't have time to sit down and eat together, much less to sit down and share thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

With the current economy, parents indeed are stressed with the pressure of needing to provide for the rest of the family. The good news is that even though times are tough, we fathers can still be the fathers that God calls us to be. We have a choice of whether we are chasing a material dream or focusing on building a strong foundation of love for our children.

I was blessed with a great dad, and today I would have to say that he is my hero. He is my role model. And because of his refusal to bend in the directions that society was blowing, I observed attributes he demonstrated that I want to exhibit as I raise my kids.

First and foremost, Dad's faith was grounded in a deep and profound love of God. He was not always vocal about his faith when I was a kid, but he continually demonstrated his love of God with his actions and his treatment of everyone he knew. He was active and involved at church, but especially important was the fact that he lived his faith during each and every day. In other words, his actions matched his words.

Do my kids see that in me? Do they see me reading the Bible? Do I spend time praying with them? Do they see me making church a priority? Is there enough evidence so my kids would say, "Yes, my dad loved God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength."

My dad loved me unconditionally. Yes, I needed to be reprimanded and disciplined at times. But there was never any doubt that he loved me. And because I knew that he loved me, any disciplinary actions he took were quite effective. It wasn't a relationship based on fear; it was a relationship based on love.

Do my kids see that in me? Yes, my kids need to be reprimanded and disciplined at times. But even in the midst of the punishment, my love for them should be so firmly established that the thought of me not loving them should never enter their minds.

My dad put family first. Oh, Dad certainly worked hard at his job. When he needed to put in more hours, he went into work earlier in the morning so that he could still come home and have dinner with us. Most of his life, he was in at work by 6:00am or earlier, but he was always home by 6:00pm. And when he got home, Dad didn't talk about work. He asked us how our days went; he asked if we needed help with any homework; and he asked if we wanted to go play catch in the back yard. Dad was working to support the family, not "living to work."

Do my kids see that in me? It's hard in this day and age with corporate ladders to climb, and sometimes we do have to work overtime or at night or on weekends. But there are points where we get to decide how we spend our time, and those moments can be spent at work, or in our own leisure, or with our children. Do I ask my kids how their days went? Do I ask (and help them with) homework and projects? Do I make a sincere attempt to find time to play with them in the back yard?

My dad was a role model husband. Not once did I ever hear Dad raise his voice to Mom. He always treated her with respect, kindness, and dignity.

Do my kids see that in me? Do they see me treating my spouse with respect, kindness, and love? Or do I blame her for things when she's not around? How well do I get along with my in-laws? Do I even try? How do my spouse and I handle conflict resolution? Do I pull my share of the work load around the house?

My dad had a great work ethic. Dad worked hard and did the very best at anything he tried. Mediocrity was not an option.

Do my kids see that in me? This doesn't apply just at my job but also in projects around the house, or in community service or church related activities. Do I put in a good effort at whatever I am doing?

My dad was honest and trustworthy. Dad kept his word, and I never saw him make a promise or commitment that he didn't keep.

Do my kids see that in me? Do I tell "white lies" to make myself look better? Do I acknowledge when I've goofed up, or do I cast the blame elsewhere? Do I keep my promises? Do I talk about people behind their backs?

My dad was frugal and responsible. He didn't spend lavishly or extravagantly. He bought what we needed, and that was that.

Do my kids see that in me? I'm not talking about being cheap necessarily. Sometimes it's better to spend more money and purchase something of higher quality that will last longer. But do I only buy the things I need? Or do I buy toys for myself? Do I indulge myself while neglecting my kids? Can I name one thing that I wanted for myself but decided to not purchase because I chose instead to save money?

My dad was generous and kind at church, in the community, and with everybody he met.

Do my kids see that in me? Do I help others out, whether it's a friend in need, or church offerings, or community service? Generosity isn't just about money, it's about how I donate my time, and it's about how I donate my words of encouragement. Do I treat people outside the family with love and respect? Do I treat people one way when I'm with them, but talk about them differently when they're not around?

My dad loved life.

Do my kids see that in me? Do I wake up smiling in the morning? Do I laugh with my kids? Do I talk about how beautiful the day is, or how much I enjoy doing stuff with the kids? Attitudes are infectious; kids growing up around a happy parent are more likely to be happy themselves.

I loved Dad and enjoyed being with him.

Will my kids say that about me? This goes back full circle to where we started. Besides having relationships with my kids that are grounded in love, will a smile be found on my child's face when he thinks about me? Or do my kids avoid being seen with me in public? Given the opportunity, would they rather be anywhere else than with me? When kids are little, they list their role models as being sports heroes, presidents, teachers, movie stars, etc. When they're older, will they name me as their role model?

The success of this list in my life is a work in progress. I'm not there yet. Keeping these things in mind, though, will (I hope) keep me going in the right direction.