I Wish My Girlfriend Liked Beer

When I mention that I'm a beer critic, beer reviewer or beer blogger, or I just happen to saddle up to a barstool and order myself a deep, dark oatmeal stout, I get a few reactions. Usually people ask me about what I do, why I got into it. And then, a lot of guys say the following, "That's so cool. I wish my girlfriend liked beer."

Even though women make up at least 25% of the craft beer market share, it seems that most men I meet who are avid beer drinkers are still not sharing their life with craft beer drinking significant others. But it doesn't have to be that way.

At the risk of over-generalizing, I'd like to offer up a few suggestions to the men out there who's girlfriends profess their dislike of beer every time they hear a can tab opening. If you really want your girlfriend to try and enjoy beer, and she's willing to be a bit adventurous with you, there are plenty of ways you can both learn about and appreciate beer together.

Step 1: Address Misconceptions

To begin with, there are a lot of reasons why your girlfriend may dislike beer. Beer has been marketed almost without exception to straight men, often at the expense of a women being the bringer or server of the beer instead of the drinker. This gives women the impression that beer is a men's only drink. In fact, there may even be some underlying reservation that if they are seen drinking beer they will appear less feminine, or more tomboy-ish. The truth is that beer can be a very refined, sophisticated and elegant drink, and the craft beer movement is helping to slowly break down gender biases.

Additionally, as much as I hate to admit it, calories play a role too. There are a lot of misconceptions about calories in beer. A dark beer, for example, is not always heavier in calories, and alternatives to beer (such as popular sex-in-the-city style drinks) are often higher in sugars and calories themselves. There is a lot of work to be done on dispelling that myth. Also, the beer belly myth is not true for women at all, and it turns out that beer bellies are related to the quantity of beer consumed in one sitting, not a cumulative effect of having one beer with dinner. There's also a lot of research showing the health benefits of beer, including increasing women's bone densities, blood circulation, and calcium content.

In the face of both of these issues, the main solution may just be education. Though I wouldn't recommend that you forward every article about health benefits of beer to your girlfriend while she's at work, maybe bring it up in conversation. Tell her that you found this cool stuff out about how good beer is for you, and at the very least it might take the guilt away from your own consumption.

Step 2: Clarify your definitions

The next step is to ask her why she doesn't like beer. And I bet you the most common response will be "because I don't like the way it tastes." There are many reasons that your girlfriend says she doesn't like beer, and one of them is that your girlfriend might just not like the beer you're drinking.

If beer were a vegetable, like brussel sprouts for example, this would be the end of the discussion. Brussel sprouts taste like brussel sprouts no matter what you do to them, so if that particular taste turns her off, then that's the end of the road. The unique thing about beer, however, is that beer is almost a category - containing near-infinite variations of flavors and tastes - and is better compared to fruit. If you tried a banana, decided you hated bananas, would you then assume that all other fruits tasted exactly like a banana, and therefore, you wouldn't like any of them? Not necessarily. You'd try different fruits and evaluate them individually. The same is true of beer.

Almost everyone (unless you have saavy friends at a young age) starts trying some kind of beer that comes in a can, or something inexpensive to try in massive quantities. And in my humble opinion, that's the worst place to start. Watery, distasteful and at best bland, this "beery" taste gets cemented into some of our minds right next to memories of frat parties or bars that reeked of stale beer. The problem is that a lot of people remember beer as tasting like the cheapest, lowest quality beer possible, then extrapolate to every other beer in the world.

I am often asked, "what kind of beer would my girlfriend/wife like?" and I usually respond I don't know enough about her tastes to answer! There are some styles that are easier to get used to and are less complex or strongly flavored than others, and just like introductory wine classes start simply and work towards the complex, so should beer. The most common beers that I start any non-beer-drinker on are : hefeweizen/white beers, stouts, fruit beers, and seasonal beers. I chose those because they taste nothing like the distant frat-party beers that we remember. Sometimes the surprise of trying one of these and having it taste nothing like the taster expected is enough to invite further curiosity.

Step 3: Taste Together

So what does that mean to you? Mix it up. Are you still drinking the cheap college beer? Then you're going to have little to no luck getting a lady to enjoy drinking a beer while she's out. But if that is the case, then you two can embark on a beer tasting adventure together and share all of the ups and downs of different styles.

My favorite first date was when a guy I knew took me to get sushi. I had never eaten any sushi before, but I was feeling adventurous and obliged. We ordered things on the menu that alone we would never have tried, but together we got to laugh about and discuss. Did I like everything on my plate? No. Did I have a really great time talking about what I liked and hated, flirting and giggling when the wasabi burned out our noses? Sure I did.

Sometimes we have to treat new experiences as things we're trying just for fun. Don't approach getting your girlfriend to like beer like a mission. Don't be annoyingly persistent about it. But when you're both looking for something new to do, start with a, "you know what might be fun?" Any healthy relationship thrives when both people are learning something new. And the best part is that you don't need to be an expert on beer at all. In fact, it may be better if you aren't. The fact that both you and your partner are willing to take a risk makes the experience more engaging.

Step 4 : Learn together

Is your girlfriend a wine drinker? Check out Sam Caglione's book "He Said Beer, She Said Wine" which is a book about the art of pairing food and beer or wine. It is setup in debate style, with no clear victor in each suggested pairing. Because you both get to argue (in a friendly matter) about which pairing is better, you are both exposed to each other's beverage worlds.

Because it's evenly evaluated, it is something that a wine drinker or a beer drinker could learn a lot from. I am planning on having a party around that book - inviting people to try both the wine and the beer with meal items, and discuss them. For the best success, invite a mix of beer and wine folks, women and men.

You get added bonus points, guys, if you decide that you're going to cook some items that accompany the pairing. In the same note, there are a plethora of recipes that involve cooking with beer that may be fun to try. (And they're all a lot more sophisticated than beer can chicken!)

5. Be patient

I'm not advocating that every woman on this planet should, and will drink beer. Nor do I think that men should evaluate the worthiness of their girlfriends on their alcohol choices. However, it may be easier to open up a woman to the experience of craft beer than you may have considered, especially if you try the methods I've outlined above.

The bottom line is that like any new hobby or taste, the adventures should be embarked up on in a balanced and voluntary way. Simply giving your gal a beer every time you eat a meal won't convince her to like it. But if you provide opportunities for the both of you to try new things, and keep an open mind, you just might have a partner that will prompt you to tell me, "my girlfriend likes beer, too!"