Ideal After Christmas Gifts for Hollywood Celebrities

Christmas has come and gone and Hollywood's biggest hitters have raided the top clothes designers, jewelry stores and emptied car lots. But, don't they have enough of this junk? Why not get them something that would really come in handy? If I had the opportunity to give these A-listers a more fitting gift, here are my choice presents for the wealthy.

Britney Spears Miss Pop Diva has been raking in millions of dollars from album sales, tours and endorsements. Since the predictable demise of her loving marriage to sperm donor Kevin Federline, she has been spotted hanging out with over-rated socialite Paris Hilton. Not only was she missing her common sense but also one important article of clothing. So, for this Christmas, she would get twenty-five pair of panties for the number of months her and her baby daddy, K-Fed were together.

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt Despite the fact of how they got together, the Jolie-Pitt gang is still an admirable one. Both are talented entertainers and kind contributors to making the world a better place. Because they are raising the United Nations in their Hollywood abode, I am happy to give the couple a ghetto pass to every hood in the United States.

Pres. George W Bush Why the country is still split on his skills to run a nation still baffles me but anyway. This Christmas, President Bubba would have finally gotten what he wanted during his entire tenure as the leader of this great country: control of the world's oil supply. Now, can our men and women come home from fighting this so-called "war on terror?"

Vice President Dick Cheney Some shooting lessons. That should be pretty self-explanatory.

Vanessa Williams Not a huge celebrity in the news this year but when the whole deal of the current Miss America to be dethroned, Miss Williams came to mind. Maybe it is just me, but I would rather have my future daughter look up to someone who made a one-time mistake of doing a nude photo shoot than someone who is a drug addict and alcoholic? This holiday season, Miss Williams would not only get back her crown and title but also a new man. Rick Fox was a jerk.

Rosie O'Donnell She is back on daytime television as the loud mouth commentator on the diva driven show, The View. She just recently got into a verbal bout with The Apprentice headman, Donald Trump. This year, she gets a pair of shoes from me to go with that huge lawsuit from him.

Tiffany "New Year" Patterson She was introduced to the world as Flavor Flav psychotic admirer on the VH1 reality TV show, Flavor of Love seasons one and two. Since then, she has announced that she will have her own Bachelorette type show and made quite a few appearances with two new friends. In a tightly wrapped gift box, there would a small pin needle to deflate those balloons sitting on her chest.

OJ Simpson Touchy topic but I just want to see one thing: whose idea was it for him to write a book about how he would killed his ex-wife if he had committed the crime? This year, he gets a one on one dinner date with Robert Blake.

Terrell Owens Possible one of the hottest guys on the football field, he did some idiotic things this year. He overdosed on pain pills and couldn't keep his oral fluid to himself. For this holiday season, he is getting a box of tissues for being such a crybaby when he doesn't get the ball.

Michael Richards Best known for his character on Seinfeld, Richards would probably win the award for having the worst year ever. I mean, if I was a washed-up actor, I would have flipped out, too. For Christmas, he would get a box full of job applications because I am sure he has been blacklisted out of Hollywood by now.

I can't wait to see what I will be giving out in 2007.