Identifying Antepartum Depression

Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the most joyous occasions in a woman's life. But for some expectant mothers, pregnancy is anything, but the blessed event most people assume it to be. Most of us have heard of postpartum depression, a period of marked sadness and disinterest in things after the arrival of a new baby, but very little has been said about antepartum depression.

Antepartum depression, a period of marked sadness and disinterest during the pregnancy, affects about twenty percent of women. The fluctuating moods of antepartum depression are often dismissed due to the belief that pregnant women are just 'hormonal' and 'sensitive'. Often times, a woman's doctor is focused on her physical health and ensuring the health of the fetus that her emotional health goes unnoticed.

The symptoms of antepartum depression mimic those of normal depression. Difficulty concentrating, persistent sadness, changes in eating and sleeping habits, lost of interest in things you once enjoyed, and periods of anxiety are some of the commonly associated symptoms of all kinds of depression. Antepartum depression shares common triggers with other types of depression. Stress, worry, life changes, and traumatic events have all been known to set off bouts of depression.

Sometimes, it's the pregnancy that triggers the depression. For whatever reason, a woman may not have wanted to become pregnant and she feels hopeless. She may feel guilty for not wanting the baby. She may feel like she can't speak her true feelings about the pregnancy, which leads to repression of emotions. Maybe she's heard, time and time again, about how lucky she is to have children when so many in the world can't. How all children are blessings and should be revered as such and she's ashamed to be feeling what she has the right to feel.

That was the case with my third pregnancy. I did not want my son. I did not intend to become pregnant and, in my mind, it couldn't have happened at a worse time in my life. One of the reasons I didn't want to become pregnant again was because I was still traumatized from the Cesarean birth of my daughter five years before. I didn't think I could go through that again. I was terrified that I was going to die. I was convinced of it and even made plans for my burial arrangements with my husband. I was that sure that another Cesarean birth would be the death of me. I cried, bawled, kicked, and screamed. I wanted no part of it. How could I get excited about something that was going to, in my mind, be the death of me? I got to choose the day of the delivery. The window I had included my birthday. I could have shared a birthday with my son! But, being in the state of mind I was in, I thought it too tragic to die on my birthday and opted for a week before instead.

Family and friends would gush about the new baby and how excited they were. They would buy gifts for him and carry on about how they couldn't wait to see him. This made me not only resent the baby, but harbor ill feelings toward them because, in my mind, they were celebrating my impending death! No, I was anything, but excited. I was horrified and downright distraught for the course of my entire pregnancy. Of course, once my son was born (and I lived), I was so ashamed for how I had behaved and the thoughts that I had. I cried for two solid weeks afterwards because I felt so guilty for not having wanted this wonderful baby...all out of fear. Now, I can laugh about it. And I can't imagine life without him. He's my sunshine.

Although I didn't seek treatment for my antepartum depression and my doctor was well aware of my feelings during that dark phase, there are options available to you. You don't have to be miserable the entire nine months like I was. Seeking counseling and group therapy is a good start toward working through your feelings. If that route doesn't work for you, there are antidepressants, such as Zoloft, Paxil, and Prozac, that have been determined to be pregnancy safe medications.

Aside from finding a suitable therapeutic solution for your antepartum depression, the most important thing to remember is that you are entitled to have those thoughts. You may regret them later, but you are entitled to feel what you feel. Don't let anybody tell you that you aren't.