Ideological Eviction Notice

Dear Mr. Linde, This letter is to inform you that your current Political Institution, the Republican Party, is undergoing a due diligence review by us (the Tea Party Movement) as we consider a takeover bid. And while we of course value the membership of all current Republicans, the unfortunate fact is that our ideological tent is much smaller than the current one in use by the GOP. Therefore, it is necessary, as we review the various books of our shared party, to see where we can reduce excess membership that may not line up with future party ambitions.

It is because of this that we regret to inform you that on several accounts you are clearly derelict in paying into essential emerging ideological requirements. Below is only a partial itemized list of accounts with insufficient support from you. Please note that if you do not immediately deposit the required buy in, your standing in the future Party will be in jeopardy.

Summary of delinquencies:

Failure to label the democratically elected President of the United States a socialist, as well as failing to ceaselessly refer to him as Barrack HUSSEIN Obama in order to highlight a shallow connection to Muslim culture. This may seem like a minor issue, but an important plank of our current election strategy is to stoke fear and anger. Linking Mr. Obama and his supporters in subtle but unmistakable ways to un-American people and activities is absolutely essential to future successes.

Failure to endorse Sarah Palin (Please note: this endorsement is NOT optional. In your file is a detailed objection from you that not only questions Governor Palin's qualifications to become the next president, but goes so far as to claim that her nomination would likely "rend asunder" the Party as we know it, making it "virtually impossible" for the Party to be electable for the foreseeable future. Such beliefs have no place in the future party).

Failure to forget that despite 10 years of Republican control of both chambers of Congress, which overlapped for four years with a Republican President, no progress was made in cutting the National Debt. While the likely new management of the Party actually agrees with you on this point, your failure to attribute the entirety of the current fragile economic environment to the Democrats while in public forums demonstrates a lack of loyalty.

In addition, your naïve assertion that those who support President Barack HUSSEIN Obama are patriots who are simply engaging in our country's proud democratic traditions is simply counterproductive and frankly places you at the fringe of the GOP's pending new management.

Mr. Linde, please know that we take no pleasure in this action. A review of your historical standing clearly indicates that in many areas you have faithfully lived up to party expectations. Your support for national security efforts, fiscal responsibility in government, as well as a host of traditional values has been well documented. Unfortunately, these past payments of ideological capital will not transfer to the new organization, should the merger be completed. This will place your account in the red. Unless you immediately make good your account with the new party, it will be our sad obligation to ask you to leave. Please note that while we want you to stay, you are by no means the only one affected by these regretful decisions. Some well known stalwarts, such as Sen. John McCain, David Frum, and even Sen. Bob Bennett, are in a similar situation. Rest assured, the number of regular members who are also receiving this notice is likely to be very, very high.

We wish you well, and hope to see you reapply at some point in the future. We would recommend that you partake in daily doses of the many excellent radio talk shows out there. They will go a long way in explaining, in a clear, black and white, and especially angry manner the issues of the day. In this way, you may find that dialogue and bi-partisanship are outmoded elements of political discourse.

Thank you, and remember to vote in November!

Sincerely,

The Tea Party Movement