If You Can't Catch, Don't Pitch

This is a true story. I heard it from a friend who had a friend who knew a guy who was right there when the whole thing happened.

It seems that there were two friends who, despite their many differences, got along pretty well together. Then, one day, the first friend wrote a note about the second friend and somebody else read it and told the second friend about it and the second friend then wrote something, and gave it to a third friend who gave it back to the first friend and it made the first friend sad.....and I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it!

Now, I've seen this kind of thing a few times, and it always seems to turn out one of two ways. Either there is a big, mushy "Friends" scene (oh, I'm so sorry, I was such a cow!....No, no, it was me. I was the cow...Well, I've really learned something about myself and our friendship....I don't know how the rest goes, because I'm a guy and I've already left to get beer by then) or there's a cat fight in the parking lot after English class. Did I mention that I'm a guy? I don't watch Friends. Guess where my vote goes?

My response, when my friend told me this story, was to tell him that the two friends had broken three cardinal rules. I'm using "cardinal" here to mean "important", and there is no intended reference to a football or baseball team.

Rule 1-If you can't catch, don't pitch. (Damn. A baseball analogy crept in!)

Rule 2-(and I follow this one every time I write a letter). Never send a "hot" letter that hasn't spent 24 hours on your desk after you write it. If you re-read it, you might not want to send it at all. In a somewhat related vein, I would recommend that writers consider composing their articles or blogs ahead of time in a programme like Word, saving it, and reviewing it before posting. Sorry, I strayed off topic a little, but it just sort of came to me.

Rule 3-If you want to get something across to a friend and don't want to get slapped in the side of the head for it, couch it in the form of an allegory. It is a time-honoured literary device where you express your feelings in a fictional setting, allowing you, if your friend is offended, to be able to say "No, no, that wasn't about you. It was just something that ran through my mind and I thought would make a good story. It was so made up!" In Washington, they call it "plausible deniability".