If I Could Hug My Father One More Time

Father's Day is a time when dads, sons and daughters should share beams of pride, heritage and love. It is our father's name that carries on for generations, and father is the man we want to make the most proud of what we have accomplished in life. Fathers love us more than they can show and more than they can say. Father is the protective watchdog of our choices in life. Sometimes, the responsibility of being a father is just too much.

I speak to my father every day, but I have not seen him in 16 years. My family buried my father three days before my 40^th Christmas. My husband has seen his father once in 45 years because his father abandoned him when he was 5 years old. When his father was dying, he summoned my husband to his hospital bedside, asking to meet his new wife and daughter for the first and last time. His father could not ask for forgiveness, nor did my husband offer it. Although a Father's love is deep, it is also sometimes illusive.

A father's hug is different from a Mother's hug. Somehow a Mother's love seems unconditional, but a father's love can be demanding and has certain expectations associated with it. It is still a nurturing love, but sometimes in an abrasive way. Nevertheless, a Father's hug and a Father's love can be the most rewarding certificate of self worth. If I could hug my Father one more time, I would tell him:

Dad, thank you for getting me that Chatty Cathy for my birthday when we had no money.

Dad, thank you for running beside me when I was learning to ride my bike.

Dad, thank you for getting our new basset hound when our pet dog, Puddin, got hit by a car and died.

Dad, thank you for dressing up like Santa Claus and leaving my first record player under our cheesy silver aluminum tree with the 4-color light wheel shining on the red glass bulbs.

Dad, thank you for taking us on summer vacations with you while you were on the road selling paper for a living. I turned out to be a great sales person from watching you.

Dad, thank you for letting us sit with you as a family watching Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night before you left out of town on Monday morning on your sales route.

Dad, thank you for making us do chores while you were gone for the weekend making money in your band to help feed us.

Dad, thank you for getting me my first roller skates and holding me from behind so I wouldn't fall.

Dad, thank you for spanking me when I made prank phone calls.

Dad, thank you for wanting dinner with the family every Friday night at exactly 5:30 p.m.

Dad, thank you for saying you hired a private detective to follow my first boyfriend and me in 7^th grade who kissed me behind the bushes in the front yard.

Dad, thank you for staying up in the dark living room to catch me after I sneaked out of the house.

Dad, thank you for letting me take guitar lessons when you needed the money for the other five kids you had.

Dad, thank you for teaching me how to drive a stick shift in the mall parking lot on several early Sunday mornings.

Dad, thank you for taking us to all those shrine circus performances when you drove little cars in the drum & bugle core.

Dad, thank you for coming to my apartment after I ran away in high school and begging me to quit ditching school so I could graduate.

Dad, thank you for getting my daughter a sled to play in the snow.

Dad, thank you for being the bingo caller and letting us play bingo at the Elks Lodge.

Dad, thank you for giving me that really ugly orange glass blown lamp you had in our living room and treasured for 40 years.

Dad, thank you for giving me a hug when you had a chance. I miss you and love you.

Happy Father's Day!