"If I'm Not a Loser, You're Not a Loser"

"One, you mean our son. Two, since we share more than one, you'll have to be more specific."

"It's Carlos and he seems really upset. He said he only can talk to you. Mark, is there something going on that I should know?"

"If there is, James, we're both clueless. Has he been acting strange?"

"Please keep in mind we're talking about a seventeen year old gay teenager who's a walking, raging hormone and then ask about strange behavior."

"Point well made. I'll talk to him. You know if it's anything serious I'll get you involved right away, James. Why don't you take the young one out and get us some dinner while I see what's bothering Carlos."

James grabs the keys and kisses his husband on the cheek before calling out "Anthony, let's go pick up a pizza!"

Mark knocks on Carlos' door and enters to the sight of his son plugged into his ipod while on facebook. "Hey!" Mark said practically at the top of his lungs which was the only way he was ever heard.

Carlos closed his computer and pulled out his earphones. "Hey Dad" He said uncharacteristically sheepishly.

"Is everything okay, Son? Your father seems to think something's wrong. And judging by the way you won't even look at me I'm inclined to agree with him. What's up?"

"It's nothing. It's all good." Carlos muttered.

"Carlos, we don't do this. We don't say it's good when it's obviously not. We don't leave each other hanging. Is it a guy?"

"It's nothing like that, Dad."

Mark stared at Carlos as if to say "I'm waiting". A look that he learned from his mother at an early age and is proud to say he has mastered.

"Okay" Carlos began, "I overheard something last night. I wasn't trying to I swear it, Dad! But when I was going to the kitchen I heard what you and Dad were talking about out on the deck.

Mark had come in the night before extremely upset. He had a pretty rough day at work. The job he was promised, a promotion of sorts, was given to someone else. As he attempts to process this he overhears his boss basically referring to him as a simpleton whom, due to his lack of college education, wouldn't be a problem to control.

He and James swore that they would never, or at least try their damndest not to, be angry in front of the boys. Despite the fact that they're extremely smart, they're also very sensitive given their background of abusive behavior at the hands of their original parents and stepparents. They didn't want anything misinterpreted which was easy to do.

So they went outside and Mark let go. "They never intended to give me that job! And he actually said 'given his background and education we don't have much to worry about from him'. Can you believe that?"

James knew better than to try and console his husband. "Yes, unfortunately I can. And I'm sorry it's happening to you, Babe."

"I'm just so damned tired of being kicked around, James. I know things are bad out there and I should probably be more grateful than I sound about still being unemployed, but how much more crap do I have to take?"

"I don't know, Mark. I see how frustrated you've become and I'm sorry I can't do or say more to make you feel better." Knowing that the worst was over, James now consoled his husband and hugged him.

"You make me feel better just by being here. But I swear to you one thing."

"Besides your undying love and adoration?" James grinned.

"Yes besides that. I'll keep doing this job. Especially if it means giving our sons the opportunities I either missed or was just too stupid to accept. They are not going to grow up to be the loser I am."

James looked at Mark scoldingly. "Queen, thy name is Drama."

"I'm serious, James! I'm 41 years old and I don't have a college education. I'm being passed over in favor of people who are either well connected or well educated. If I had just done a few things differently life would be a hell of a lot better than it is right now. My boys are not going to miss out on anything. They will not be able to be treated the way I am."

"Okay but before you continue, stop and consider that our sons are both people of color and out of the closet, dyed in the wool homosexuals. I don't care how enlightened we as a society have become, life has got a few ass kickings in store for them. Not only that but I don't fall in love with losers."

Mark walked dejectedly to the sliding door. "You did this time."

This is the scene playing out in Mark's head. This is the conversation, some or all of it, that his son heard.

"I'm sorry you heard that, Carlos."

"Did you mean it? Do you really think you're a loser?" The boy asked.

"I was upset, Son. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and I let my anger get the better of me. But I'm not going to lie to you, sometimes the thought has crossed my mind."

"I can't believe you! When I broke my arm, when I felt like I was a complete screwup and loser you looked at me in the eye and said 'You're not a loser and I never want you thinking like that ever again'. But it's okay for you to do?"

"Carlos, I meant what I said. You're getting the education you need. You're going to use that intelligence and your natural common sense which you use so well at a young age and go exactly where you want to go. I made some mistakes when I was younger than you. I sometimes can't help but think about what if, you know? I'm not saying I don't intend to do more with my life and I'm not blaming anyone for my mistakes. Sometimes it just is what it is."

"If I'm not a loser, you're not a loser." Carlos said as he wiped his face trying not to let his father see he was crying.

"Carlos, it's okay. Like I said, I was just angry yesterday. I'm over it."

"If I'm not a loser, you're not a loser. Do you get me, Dad? You don't get to make me feel like I'm part of something great and then say you're a loser because then something's wrong."

"Carlos, you are part of something great. This family is something great and you're an important part of what makes it great."

"And you're the one who brought all of us together! So either you're lying to me or you need to stop lying to yourself! Losers are the people who talk about you like your boss who can't see how smart you are! Losers are the people who lie to you and get all stupid. You taught me to believe that I'm not a loser. And I don't think I am anymore. But neither are you, okay? I'm your son, I'm not a loser. You're my Dad, neither are you!"

Mark took his crying son in his arms and they embraced. Mark looked at his son and wondered when the scared little boy that came into his life two years ago was replaced by the confidant, wise young man in front of him now.

"I remember that conversation we had when your adoption was finalized. Losers are the people that will hate you because they just need to hate. Losers are the people that will discriminate against you simply because you don't love and live the way they want you to."

"I tell myself those words every day, Dad. It helps me make it. You help me make it."

Mark hugged his son once more. "And you help me make it too, Son. Thanks." They are both startled by the sound of the front door signaling the return of father, brother and most importantly, pizza. "There's one thing you're gonna lose at, Dad."

"What's that?"

"The race to get to the pizza first!" Carlos zips out with his father fast on his heels.