If Life Were Truly like the Internet...

I have been a citizen of the internet for almost 7 years now and during that time I have noticed certain behaviors and attitudes among the other people who frequent the World Wide Web. I've come to think that the way they talk and act online can't be anything like how they carry themselves in the real world otherwise society would look and sound very, very different...

Take for example the English language which would become obsolete and would almost certainly be replaced by a series of grunts, numbers and acronyms. Simple conversations like the following; "Hey bud, how are you today?", "Great, thanks for asking." would be replaced by the more streamlined; "How r u BBF?", ":-), thnx". We would over time lose the ability to speak and instead our stomach area would evolve into a monitor type of surface which you friends would have to log into to engage in conversation. I don't know if I feel comfortable with any of my friends meddling with my belly region and god forbid the kids bring home a virus from school. I'd have to spend the entire weekend downloading the contents of my hard drive into the toilet.

It also seems to me that any time I am in a chat room or forum of some kind, there are always a group of people that take it upon themselves to just be nothing but rude to everyone else involved in the group. You never see these people out in the real world walk into a Starbucks and just start yelling profanities at people who are engaging in a book of the month club meeting. Okay, you do occasionally see that when the homeless dude comes in off the streets and starts ranting but unless he's packing a wireless laptop in his shopping cart I don't believe he is the one responsible for the online attacks.

Going to the mall would become a whole lot different. All the products would be slightly out of focus pictures and the stores would never close but they would be down occasionally as they are moved to a different, better, faster part of the mall. You'd also come across salespeople who went into a frozen catatonic state just as you had swiped your card and you'd be left wondering if your purchase actually went through, and while all this is going on there is someone under the counter who is reading your credit card number from the visa that is stuck in the cashiers frozen death grip.

To be honest, I've never had any problems shopping online but I have come across tons of those people who seem to have forgotten the art of full conversation and those who seem to use the net as a vehicle to unload the hatred and vitriol that they must store inside all day at their horrible little jobs. I'm just glad that they seem to keep that behavior secluded to their online activities and have yet to take it to the streets. Although, maybe if they did that, it would free up the world wide web for kind and courteous users everywhere who just want to get online and find out what time the next showing of "Die Hard 4" starts at the multiplex.