If You Marry Him, Can You Deal with His " Ex" from Hell?
The Unexpected Problems You Can Go Through with Your Spouse's Ex
Take this situation, you meet the man of your dreams, he is everything you ever wanted in a man. Only thing is, he has two kids and he says that his "ex" took him to the cleaners. Oh, you can handle this, you are "in love"! . You have got to be very strong because you are going to have a lot of very hurtful emotions to deal with.
Always listen to the words "ex from hell" . If you become involved with this person in a "permanent" relationship, then you will have to deal with the "ex" too. Sometimes the "ex" isn't totally over the relationship. Perhaps, she is bitter because she didn't want the relationship to end,so she feels scorned. Could be it was her idea to end the relationship but now she realizes what she has lost and her idea of dealing with it is through the courts and worse of all through the kids.
Don't forget those kids of "his" either, because, more then likely, their mother has informed them of you, in not the most pleasant way. I've heard horror tales where the kids tell the new "step mom" that they want their mommy and daddy to get back together, Some of the new "step mom's" try too hard to be their "new Mom" and the child takes offensive because you are not their "real" mom" and to them this is a type of betrayal, never forget their "real" mother is always better in all things ,you are the "rival" to some degree, this can be a no win situation for some people.
Your man will probally have a lot of guilt because of the kids not having their father around all the time so he will "spoil" them.
Don't forget that he is going to be paying the max with "child support" and when the kids do come visit, which is usually every other week and all the long vacations, he has to support them with no extra supplement while they are there and this can become very expensive if you already live on a fixed income because of the very high child support payments.
In situations like this, you could deal with "hang ups" when you answer the phone, shouting matches between the two of them, which could almost make "you" feel like the third party. After all, remember they "share" these children together.
In some situations the "in laws" will be on the "x"'s side. Some will brag on the "grandchildren's" mother, so much it will make you sick ! Sometimes they never give up the hope that they could reconcile and the whole family would live happily ever after, if "you" were out of the picture. In some cases this could be correct too, but in most cases not, besides if they have that much anger in their relationship, odds would be against it actually working out in the long run.
These are just a few examples of the things you may have to go through.
Sometimes, things aren't as dramatic as this, then again, I have heard of a lot more drama.
So, you decide to go ahead and make a go of it anyway?
Here are a few tips for you.
1- Do activities with the kids, assure them that you are not trying to be their mother, but you really want to be their "friend".
2- Meet the future "in laws" scope them out ! Could be that you all can get along just fine, but this relationship is important in the long run !
3- last but not least. You might even want to meet your man's dreaded "ex". This could be a bad thing or a good thing. I have heard of both situations. Realize, if they have young children, the "x" will be in contact with your man, sometimes much more then you wish too !
4- You could try counceling , this can help a lot of people in this situation.
Remember, you don't just marry this "man", you take on his whole life as well !
Published by cathiesblogs
Learning and Reading are a Passion ! My Spiritual Faith is very important to me.. Oh yeah, I do like to write poetry from time to time.. View profile
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54 Comments
Post a CommentI've been in the same shoes before. It is literally hell. It feels like entrapment. You end up with a bunch of resentment towards husband, stepkid, and the ex wife. I would wait til the kids are 18 before I married any man that has kids. Save yourself from a miserable life of dealing with the ex.
Dont always believe everything what your boyfriend or new husband tells you the EX. I know someone close to me who has the ex from hell, she divorced him, he got remarried soon after, which did not in the least bother my girl friend, thinking that his ex has new focus and my friend would carry a happily ever after life... WRONG! He is still angry because she divorced him... and his new wife is the STEPMOTHER from hell, who told their kids to call her "Mommy", give me a break!! as a Step mom your role is to be supportive to your husband, and to the children he has with the EX, don't expect the children to call you Mommy!! You knew what you were getting into, and if you don't read how the role as a step mother, or step girlfriend is. Your job is not be overly meddling in the affairs of the kids to the point that you want to take the job of the real mommy in front of the mommy, especially when the mommy is so present in the kids life, Guess what the real mother has a ri
Gosh..this is horrible Antoinette !!...I believe that I would hire a lawyer and file charges..but I do know..lawyers are very very expensive and sometimes in vein..(if she has the police on her side)!!!...it is so weird that a person can honestly become so vindictive that they would mentally harm their own child but this woman is doing this !! ...she really needs to get help..and get help fast !!..you may have to get a detective in on this..you would have the proof that you would need to prosecute further.
which she slept with a few) and tell me that because she and my husband had kid together she had all legal rights to be in our home. I would call other law enforcement agencies in our state only to be told to call the local police it was a local matter. When my husband and I were expecting our son, she would follow me around and run me off the road. Which she got away with. As her and my husband's son got older she taught him to tell DFS and school officials that I abused him. It was nightmare until the boy told the truth that mommy made him say those things. I was of course never charged with anything but she never got in trouble for anything that she does to us. We live in constant fear of what she is going to do next. Because she still wants him back and she will not rest until she gets what she wants. The thing is though is that she does this to all her ex husbands and ex boyfriends. She truly is the ex from hell.
Reasons to stay single :)
This same mother that had multi abortions..had a daughter she gave up for adoption..got arrested for robbery in 1988 !..She is the same one that continues to make life hell for the father of the last two children that she birthed..."we think anyway"...she is nothing but a thief and a liar but one day she will be found out...I wonder if she has told her poor kids about her past life?...I wonder if they know they have a sister that was given away...sad..sad...sad..
PEACE will be when the kids are 18...so sad that the kids they had together will forever be bruised by this...sometimes the custodial parent can totally ruin the relationship between the children and the other parent...Really stupid spending money on a lawyer to try to squeeze a few bucks of revenge...when the REVENGE could come back to the REAL LIAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..I believe in God and do believe that there is never anything good with lies and stealing !!!.....When I got a divorce...I didn't take anything from my ex-husband..he left with all of his money..I believe that no good comes from BLOOD MONEY !!!....but I am sure that you know all about that ...The only thing that hurts me now is my wonderful ex-mother in law..I didn't know what I had..until now! ..My ex doesn't care anything about his mother..he married a VERY rich realtor and no longer needs or wants anyone but her..
SHE had better be very careful...SHE could get hit with a HUGE harassment suit herself!!!!...better tread easy...LOL with the job situation the way it is now..SHE better make sure that HE hasn't already had some good counsel with a lawyer THIS TIME !!!!!!!!!!...could be he is even making less money then he was before and SHE could have to pay for both lawyer fees !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess revenge was sweet while it lasted. The EX is taking my husband to court now, because she's pissed that she's not receiving the amount of support she was before FRO. It was all her doing, and now my husband, once again, has to pay. She's such a phucking wench!!
When will this ever turn around and give us some peace?
Such a sad situation..women like this usually don't won't their kids around much after that ! I know a woman that gets rid of her children every week-end and all the days school is out..revenge is never the answer either way because the kids do know the truth and the truth is sometimes not so good..this same woman that I'm talking about had a daughter that she gave up for adoption and another son that her mother raised for many years then had the last two boys...in the end she will get payed back in many ways !!..