If "Opportunity Knocks" on My Door

There's a new game show in town. Literally. J.D. Roth hosts a new show on ABC called Opportunity Knocks. The premise is simple, he knocks on a door in Anywhere, America and the family inside is immediately thrust into a game of 20 questions based on their lives and random articles around the house. All the while, their friends and family members cheer and/or jeer them on.

Sounds like a great idea. It also sounds like one that could be very interesting should I ever see J.D. Roth and his team outside my door. I imagine it would go something like this.

J.D. Roth: Ok guys, are you ready? This is the house right here.

Roth: Alright. Here we go. Everyone be quiet. We want them to be as surprised as possible.

Roth: (Knocks on door)

Me: Honey! Were we expecting anyone?
My wife Angelica: No.

Me: Where's my gun?
Angelica: Here you go.

Me: (Cocks gun)

Roth: Was that a gun being cocked?
Producer: They're probably just unlocking the door.

Me: (Slowly opens door just wide enough to peek outside then closes it)
Angelica: Who is it?

Me: It's some guy in a suit. Did we pay our mortgage this month?
Angelica: No.

Me: They're probably bill collectors.
Angelica: Tell them to go away.

Me: Go away! We're broke!
Roth: It's J.D. Roth with the new game show, Opportunity Knocks! You have the chance to win hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash and prizes! Open up!!

Me: Who the hell is J.D. Roth?
Angelica: I think I saw him on Melrose Place a couple times.

Me: I have a gun!
Roth: So do we! It's called the shotgun round where you could win $500,000 towards your mortgage!

Me: I'm calling the cops!
Roth: We already have! They're going to be asking you some of the questions!

Me: Oh man. Did I ever pay that parking ticket?
Angelica: No.

Me: Crap.

Roth: Please!
Me: Ok. Fine. (opens door)

Here we are folks! Our very first family on Opportunity Knocks, the show that tests family members on how well they know each other. You must be the Garrison family! Come on outside and lets get started!

At this time, myself, my wife, and our two children ages 10 and 6 go outside where we see a few chairs, a massive television crew, and about ten of our neighbors. Roth asks our neighbors to be on the show but they just tell him how much they hate us and ask Roth if he can try and get me to stop sunbathing nude in my front yard.

Ok guys! It's time to ask some questions! Since there are four of you, you will each write five questions about yourself that you think your other family members might not know the answer to. We'll go to a commercial break and when we come back, the real fun begins!

About right now, I'm feeling pretty good, because I know my family like the back of my hand. My wife and I just smile at each other because we know this is going to be a breeze.

Welcome back to Opportunity Knocks! During the break, we had the Garrison family write some questions to ask each other about themselves. For every correct answer, we will add $10,000 to the pot. At the end of the show, we'll see how you did. So this family could walk back inside with $200,000! Ok, we'll go with Angelica's questions first. Mark, let's see how well you know your wife! Go ahead Angelica!

Angelica, Q1: What is my name?

At this time, the producers stepped in and quickly explained that the questions had to be a little more difficult than that.

Angelica, Q1: What is my favorite food?
Me: All of it! Seriously Roth, she can put it down! Just look at her!
Roth: That may be true, but it doesn't match. Sorry Mark.

At this time, paramedics have been called in to repair my broken nose and multiple face lacerations.Once I'm all patched up, the questions continue.

Angelica, Q2: Did you really love that woman?
Roth: Sorry Angelica, but the questions have to be about you. Try again.

Angelica, Q2: Where was I last night?
Me: You were at your friend Jessica's baby shower.
Roth: Ohhhh! Sorry Mark. Looks like you missed another one. Your wife said she was at your brothers house last night getting drunk and.....Um. Let's go to a commercial break.

After the commercial break, Roth decided to skip the rest of my wife and I's questions and go to our kid's questions for each other. Unfortunately, my 10 year old son just drew a picture of me on fire and my six year old daughter just drew a picture of my wife and I getting eaten by a teddy bear. Roth and his team decided to go to my neighbors house and give them a shot. My wife and I quickly divorced and I enjoyed another afternoon of naked sunbathing.

How do you think you would fare in this game? Hopefully better than I did in this story. Share your thoughts below!