If The Secret is Real, What About Changing Others?

So you read the hotly debated new book "The Secret" or you saw the movie, maybe even both. Armed with your new ideas about the "Law of Attraction" you headed out to change the world or if not the world, at least your significant other. You had a plan. You carried out your plan to visualize every day that the person or group you wanted to change was becoming different.

Now weeks later you have your doubts. The good old boy or girl or group as the case may be, has not picked up the new vibe. He, she, it, they do not seem to understand that you are busy attracting a different reality. You might even be thinking, "This Law of Attraction thing doe not work after all." If it did you would see a difference by now, right?

Not only are you having your own doubts, but the so called experts have begun to doubt as well. At first all you heard about was how wonderful this new exotic secret was when you turned on your TV. Now there is debate. You might even be thinking perhaps it is time to look for a new method to force others to change so you can be happy at last. The debate is making your faith in the process shaky.
Yet debate is all well and good and just as it should be. Any idea of any merit should be openly debated, carefully scrutinized, and properly supported. I have always said that if I cannot openly and happily defend what I believe without being defensive, than I must not believe it very much. A debate is not so much a challenge as an exploration. The very creation of the debate suggests that the idea of attracting what we want by how we think is worthy of our time.

This is the time to take a deeper look. All around me, I hear people say variations of I am attracting so and so to be different and it is not working. Here is the problem, you not different. It is not so much about attracting the change as about thinking highly enough of the change you want that you are willing to BE THE CHANGE.

If you want a more peaceful work environment, be more peaceful. If you want a more loving relationship, be more loving. If you want a more supportive group, be more supportive. Take a look at the characteristics that are lacking and focus on those yourself. Be willing to change. Be willing to change more than you might have first imagined. Be willing to see the object of your focus differently.

Now I am not saying be a door mat. If you want a peaceful relationship and you are dating a violent person, the change you wish and hope for may be that the person harming you will change. If you are really willing to be in a peaceful relationship, you might have to lovingly release your partner who is not. You begin by believing in the thought that you deserve and can create a loving peaceful relationship.

Change doesn't always have to be that drastic. Often just changing our thought is enough to change our opinion. Why? We support our opinions with evidence. Often, we will not change our minds unless evidence to the contrary of our opinion is great. If not, we will disregard the evidence that does not support our opinion and only focus on the evidence that does. If we want a happier life, we have to at least entertain the thought happiness is possible. We have to continue until we convince ourselves to believe enough in the thought of our happiness to do something about what we want.

For example, if you have a boss who you think is difficult, you will undoubtedly notice when your boss behaves in ways you believe are difficult to tolerate. You might even complain to others about your boss' behavior. When your boss is not being difficult, you feel lucky and you do not count the good behavior as evidence against your opinion.

I had a boss like that once. I decided to refocus my attention and picture a boss I got along with nicely. I forced myself to notice every time my boss was not difficult? I even began to comment on my boss's good behavior even though the stories were not nearly as interesting. The result was I became a happier more contented employee with a more balanced opinion of my boss who has good days and bad days. My boss commented on how much easier it was to work with me. Not long after, I got a great recommendation that led to a new job that opened the door to a 20 year career as a successful business consultant. For a while, I though my boss had changed, but really, I was the one who changed. I took action. My boss reacted to the difference in me. If I had waited for my boss to change, who knows, I might still be waiting.

It all begins with a thought.