"If I Talk Real Loud, You'll Have to Listen"

Some people like to talk. Some people like to listen. Some people enjoy both, some neither and there are others out there who insist on only one or the other. The "constant listeners" don't bother me except for the fact that they're so quiet they usually appear withdrawn, introverted or anti-social. The "constant talkers" aren't too bad either as long as they have something worthwhile to say and aren't just looking to fill dead air.

I enjoy a good conversation, even a good argument where both people are expressing their points of view in a give-and-take manner. I particularly enjoy playing the devil's advocate and arguing contrary to my own opinion because it forces me to see things from a different perspective. However, I refuse to argue with, and have a hard time just conversing with what I call the "Talk-overs". Talk-overs are people who start talking while you are already speaking and will not stop what they are saying, usually getting louder and louder until they are done. They are going to get their point out whether you let them or not. When I am interrupted in this way I immediately stop talking and let this person get out what they have to say. I will do this every time they start to talk-over my words. There are some individuals who do this because they were brought up in a large family and it was the only way to be heard (although when everyone talks no one gets heard). Other people only interrupt when they drink. Some folks don't really listen when you're talking to them so they don't realize they are interrupting you. You can usually determine in their facial expression whether they are tuned in or not. Those people can be the most frustrating of the lot, but be patient with them. It takes some people a while to process information and turning off non-essential parts of the brain (like hearing) helps to speed things up a little for them.

You undoubtedly know several of these Talk-overs and are perhaps one yourself. If you are, stop it, it's pointless and it pisses everyone off. I was visiting my friend Mike and his wife Carol recently and watched the two of them talk over each other for about half an hour before I gave them my fifty-cents regarding why they argue about the same things over and over without resolving anything. Clearly it was because neither of them ever heard (or at least acknowledged hearing) the valid points the other was making - because they couldn't hear what each other was saying. The funniest aspect of it was that while both of them accused the other of interrupting and talk-overs, neither one realized they themselves did the exact same thing.

There are going to be arguments and disagreements. People take turns expressing their feelings about a subject in an attempt to reach a conclusion satisfactory to both sides. The key is taking turns. My wife Sandy and I have arguments just like everyone else but we take turns speaking, even when we're furiously angry. Otherwise the situation degrades into a schoolyard shouting match and becomes "whoever talks the loudest and longest wins." That might have worked as a child but not as the "adults" that we are supposed to be. In the words of my fourth-grade teacher, "Let's close our mouths and open our ears."