If You Think Your Husband is a Mysterious Island

For many couples it is almost with pain that they recall the days of courtship. At time they appeared to understand each otter. Why is that? Because they talked to each other, they opened up to one another; they found great pleasure in understanding and in being understood. The frankness of one evoked the openness of the other; the man was discovering the real person of his fiancée. She felt understood by him, and he by her.

Now they no longer rally talk to each other. Oh, they talk about many secondary matters, trivial and external to themselves, but the matters that are really essential, intimate, personal-these they no longer mention. The dialogue has been broken off. There is only a superficial exchange of information.

Some couples no longer talk together at all. I have known some ho could go for weeks without saying a word! It engenders a horrible atmosphere in the home. Just think how children must grow up there at the meal table one of the parents never speaks, whereas the other, in an attempt to fill the atrocious vacuum, never ceases babbling on.

Courtship's beautiful curiosity has been lost. The thirst for discovery and for understanding has been dried up. The husband believes hat now he does understand his wife. At the first word from her lips he makes a little sign of exasperation which means, "you're still tell me the same old story!". In the face of such a reaction how can the other dare to express herself? Yet, the less she expresses herself, the less she will be understood; the less she feels understood, the more she will withdraw into herself. The thrill of discovery has been lost. If you have given up the real attempt to discover him. The difference between the image you have made of him, and what he really is, will ever grow deeper.

The discovery of the real person is never easy. I remember a woman who had come to speak to me of her very serious worries. At the end of our interview I asked her, "what does your husband think of all that?" "Oh," she blurred out, "my husband is a mysterious island. I am forever circling around it but never finding a beach where I may land." I understood her, for it is true. There are men who are like mysterious islands. They protect themselves against any approach. They no longer express themselves, nor do they take a stand on anything. When their wife consults them on something important, they hid themselves behind their paper. They look deeply absorbed. They answer without even looking up, in a tone impersonal anonymous, and vague, which excludes all argument. Or else they escape by making a joke of it.